I guess being with Pete Doherty wasn’t enough to scare Kate Moss’ uterus into self-destructing, because she is reportedly 3 months pregnant with The Kills guitarist Jamie Hince’s spawn. Though, you’ve got to admit, he’s not much better looking than Pete Doherty, but at least he doesn’t look like a blobfish. He’s got more of a Smeagol before becoming Gollum look going on, my precious. Hopefully Kate can lay off the drugs and poppers for the rest of her pregnancy or she might give birth to a barrow-wight or something.

Kate and Jamie leaving Lily Allen’s gig at KOKO club in London. Is that a mole or a pimple on Jamie’s nose?

Holiday shopping can be so stressful, so how’s a girl to manage? Well, if you’re Kate Moss, you can always get a nice cheap bottle of isopropyl nitrite.

Kate was seen clutching a bottle of Buzz, commonly known as a “popper”, or what the websites that sell them call them, “room deodorizers” (Ha). Wikipedia’s entry on the subject lists the effects as:

head rush, euphoria, uncontrollable laughter or giggling, and other sensations that result from the blood pressure drop are often felt to increase sexual arousal and desire. At the same time, the relaxation of the sphincters of the anus and vagina can make penetration easier. It is widely reported that poppers can enhance and prolong orgasms.

Today’s woman has to be ready for ANY situation. You never know when you might need to have a loose sphincter. Be Prepared, that’s what Girl Scouts taught me.