Cindy Crawford can make a trench coat look as sexy as a garter belt and thong. (Velvet)

Extra! Extra! Get your Spurs’ George Hill’s wiener pics here! (The Dirty)

In case she wasn’t entirely sure she’s going to hell: Lindsay Lohan as Jesus on the cover of Purple magazine. (Celebrity Smack)

Alessandra Torresani sexing it up in next month’s Maxim. (Celebrity Odor)

Justin Bieber finally got his first pube! It’s am important transition in every girl’s life. (Celeb Jihad)

Jessia Biel, Jennifer Garner and Anne Hathaway put on their fake-iest fake smiles at the Valentine’s Day LA premiere. (UseMyComputer)

Jessica Alba looks like complete and utter shit. Peacock shit, to be specific. (Hollywood Rag)

Levi Johnston’s Playgirl cover is here! (Litely Salted)

More unflattering unretouched photos of Madonna have been leaked onto the interwebs. (Holy Moly)

So that’s what Beyonce’s bed head looks like. I thought a thatch of tumbleweeds got caught in a tornado. (popbytes)

Hilary Rhoda in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, because we don’t want to leave anybody out! (Moe Jackson)

AnnaLynne McCord bikini pics. (the grumpiest)

Hugh Hefner is getting sued by… Playboy?! (The Blemish)

Plot idiocy X minus romance and comedy Y equals Kristen Bell’s new movie “When in Rome” Z. It’s simple math, really. (Pajiba)

Anne Hathaway’s magnificent cleavage revisited. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Beach Bowl Babes Match-Up: Olivia Munn vs Marisa Miller. (Moe Jackson)

When did AnnaLynne McCord get boobs? (Hollywood Rag)

Madonna’s newest male model victim is reportedly “terrified” of her — or maybe his eyebrows always look like that. (Holy Moly!)

Domestic violence, lezzie-style: SamRo and LiLo go head to head. (Litely Salted)

Holly Madison, Kim Kardashian and some other stroke-worthy chick assemble in a traditional whore trifecta. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Ha ha — Beyonce go boom. (Socialite Life)

Taylor Swift has clearly gone batshit insane. (CelebSlam)

Welcome to Kate Beckinsale’s 3D Underworld prison. (Agent Bedhead)

Robert Pattinson says sex scenes with Uma Thurman were disturbing. Mostly because he had to touch an actual girl. Ew! (Seriously? OMG)

Forget the Super Bowl — the Lingerie Bowl is where it’s at! (COED Magazine)

Kate Bosworth has nipples. And here they are. (Fatback)

Brad Pitt cops a feel on Angelina in the middle of the Super Bowl. (The Superficial)

Tom Arnold pantses Marisa Miller on live TV! (TMZ)

The light has left Madonna’s life! Jesus Luz has ditched Madonna’s leathery clutch in search of greener, less dried-out pastures. Reports Digital Spy,

Luz allegedly ended his relationship with the 51-year-old singer because of their age difference and busy schedules.

“It not only was totally amicable, but it was Luz who initiated the split,” a source told the Chicago Sun-Times.

According to the report, the 23-year-old Brazilian realised that their lack of mutual interests did not suit a long-term relationship.

Madonna and Luz met at a photoshoot for W magazine in December 2008. They began dating shorty after her divorce from director Guy Ritchie was finalised.

The couple were recently reported to be trying for a baby.

There’s a point in a young man’s life where he realizes that banging a famous old chick is only good for so long before the specter of becoming the next Joe Gillis to Madonna’s Norma Desmond becomes too freaking real. New clothes and every material possession you want is all good and fine until you offend her and she shoots you in the back. Speaking of which, you better watch your back, Jesus! No one ever leaves a staaarrr!

There’s something different about Madonna’s face in this pic on the left from last year’s W Magazine photo shoot. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but if I could, I bet it’d come back smelling like mustache wax and estrogen cream. Bitch looks like an old catcher’s mitt that somebody left out in the rain for six weeks.

See boyfriend Jesus’ wiener here.

Watch video of Anderson Cooper saving a little boy from concrete-throwing thugs! (Socialite Life)

LaToya Jackson, or giant albino bat? You decide. (Hollywood Rag)

Look — Britney Spears is actually wearing a bra! Too bad it’s three sizes too small. (Litely Salted)

Snooki takes a bong hit. (City Rag)

Never before seen pics of Alessandra Ambrosio’s test shoot for Elite Models. (Moe Jackson)

Miley Cyrus looking mighty saucy in some HQ Hollywood candids. (UseMyComputer)

Teen abomination sensation Justin Bieber likes torturing animals. (CelebJihad)

The Top Ten Often Nude Golden Globe nominees! (Mr. Skin)

Fag vs Fag: Pete Wentz apologizes to Perez Hilton for threatening to kick his ass. (Post Chronicle)

Madonna wants to have Jesus’ baby! (Wonderwall)

Penelope Cruz camel toe finger fist?! (The Grumpiest)

Meet Carrie Prejean’s topless doppelgangers. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

27 reasons to make fun of John Travolta. As if you needed more than one! (Celebrity Odor)

See stills from glamour model Jordan’s boyfriend’s porno movie. (Holy Moly)

Megan Fox topless on stage! (glamzilla)

Several years ago, Angelina Jolie became the face of St. John clothing and promoted their line for awhile.  This should be really old news, but all of a sudden St. John are running their mouth off about Angelina and basically saying they dumped her for being more of a big deal than their boring clothes designed for Ladies Who Lunch.  From People:

While Angelina Jolie hasn’t appeared in an ad for St. John for some time, the luxury knitwear company is speaking out on the absence of her famous face from their campaign. The label’s chief executive officer Glenn McMahon tells WWD, “[Jolie] overshadowed the brand. We wanted to make a clean break from actresses and steer away from blondes and cleanse the palette.” So while other luxury brands have hired the likes of Madonna, Emma Watson, Eva Mendes and others to star in their upcoming spring/summer 2010 campaigns, St. John turned to red-headed model Karen Elson, a decision McMahon sees as a step in the right direction for the brand. “We needed to show a modern point of view of St. John,” he says. “We have evolved.” And according to the label’s website, executive vice president of design for St. John, George Sharp, who also directed the new ads, views Karen as the “epitome of the modern day woman…the St. John woman… strong, confident, sensual and approachable with effortless glamour.”

St. John had a three year contract with Angelina Jolie which began in 2005 and ended in the summer of 2008, so their business relationship has been over and done with for a year and a half and should really have no bearing on whatever the hell the company’s doing now.  It sounds to me like the St. John CEO is either bitter and vengeful or is an attention whore trying to squeeze the last drop of blood from his boring-ass company’s tenuous connection to one of the most famous women in the world.

Besides, the folks at St. John are delusional if they think they have a “modern point of view” or that they’ve “evolved” because while they make relatively nice things, they don’t exactly trend young.  Their stuff is tasteful and conservative, and doesn’t get anywhere near edgy or fashion forward.  My grandmother liked St. John, but she was old and now she’s dead.  Actually, the only people I’ve ever met in real life who wore their clothes were all at least 55 years old, so if St. John had a lick of damn sense they’d get someone like Helen Mirren or Susan Sarandon to advertise their line.

Karen Elson for the St. John spring 2010 campaign:

Some of Angelina Jolie’s old ads for St. John:

Mariah Carey tries to explain that her hilarious drunken spectacle at the Palm Springs International Film Festival was because she “hadn’t eaten” and had “little splashes” of champagne.  Uh huh. (LitelySalted)

I don’t want to shock anybody, but Megan Fox said something retarded.  Again. (HollywoodRag)

Madonna was dressed like Shredder from Teenate Mutant Ninja Turtles last night. (DListed)

The People’s Choice Awards happened last night, and some people got dressed up and won some stuff. (EvilBeet)

I don’t know who the hell Hayley Williams is, but she wore BY FAR the craziest (and ugliest) dress to the People’s Choice Awards. (GoFugYourself)

Glee’s Rachel (Lea Michelle) and Finn (Cory Monteith) photograph each other. (SOMG)

Khloe Kardashian wants to procreate with Lamar Odom. (ASL)

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie went on a dinner date in NYC. (Popbytes)

Christina Aguilera talks about motherhood and her new album. (HollywoodRag)

Tila Tequila is still making an assy spectacle of Casey Johnson’s death. (Celebitchy)

Miley Cyrus wants to get hitched and start spawning PRONTO. (Allie)

Britney Spears is training to become a masseuse, because why not? Crazy people can do whatever they want. (Celebslam)

Tiger Woods wasn’t just banging every woman who would stand still long enough.  He had lots of sex with men, too.  At this point it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that he humped that gopher puppet from Caddyshack. (WWTDD)

Nina Dobrev bikini pictures. (Egotastic)

AnnaLynne McCord in some slutty hooker boots. (TheGrumpiest)

Rihanna is still in a bikini on a yacht with Matt Kemp. (TheSuperficial)

Remember how back in the day Madonna was such a big fan of sex that she wrote a whole book about it? These days, the thrill of shoving her sinewy feet into new shoes is so much more gratifying. Says Female First:

Renowned designer Jimmy Choo says the ‘Celebration’ hitmaker - who was previously married to director Guy Ritchie and actor Sean Penn - admitted she loves his creations far more than getting intimate with the men in her life.

He said: “Madonna told me that buying a pair of my shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man.

“At least you know they are going to last for ever!”

It seems 51-year-old Madonna - who is currently dating model Jesus Luz, 23 - has had a change of attitude to sex since her marriage to Guy ended.

Before their split, she boasted about their “amazing” love life.

She said: “I don’t know who told you that having children and getting married means there is no erotica in your life.

“Our sex life is amazing. But I had to marry someone as tough as me. Guy’s definitely tough. I had to marry a challenge, otherwise I would just get bored. Whatever else Guy is, he’s never boring. He can be intolerant.

Oh yeah, Madonna’s tough all right. The problem is, she’s gotten so tough that screwing her must be like getting a rubdown with 220 grit sandpaper. Rather buy shoes than have sex, indeed.

Madonna with Lourdes at the NY premiere of NINE:

Here’s the Best in Viral Videos 2009! (omg!blog)

Sarah Jessica Parker shows off her twin colts on Letterman. (BricksAndStones)

Annalynne McCord receives the benefit of a good push-up bra. (Drunken Stepfather)

Camel toe fight! Xtina vs. Lady Gaga! (Glamzilla)

The extended trailer for Alice in Wonderland is out, and it looks awesome! (Seriously? OMG!)

The power of photoshop transforms Madonna from a piece of beef jerky into a beautiful woman! (Holy Moly!)

Angelina Jolie threatens suicide! (CelebNewsWire)

I have no idea who Emmanuelle Chriqui is, or how to pronounce her last name, but baby got back! (Popoholic)

Fergie’s hair is taking over the red carpet at the premiere of Nine. (Moe Jackson)

Continuing her run as the world’s worst mom, Courtney Love blasts her daughter Frances Bean on Facebook. (Socialite Life)

Victoria Silvstedt has a pucker any blow-up doll would envy. (Holywood Rag)

Nicole Kidman’s makeup artist is SO fired! (The Blemish)

I guess no one ever told Lindsay Lohan about the clear-nail-polish-to-stop-a-run trick. (The Grumpiest)

Sarah Jessica Parker had her mole sliced off! Now, too bad they didn’t do anything to the rest of her face. (LitelySalted)

Which one of Tiger’s whores has a bastard child on the way? (The Dirty)

Holly Madison showing off her past-their-prime tits. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Hope you wanted herpes and anal warts for Christmas! (Hollywood Rag)

Emmanuelle Chriqui has an incredibly tight body. (CelebSlam)

And guess which one of the whores Tiger was repeatedly texting an hour after his car crash? (TMZ)

Carrie Underwood bikini pics! (Egotastic)

Marisa Miller looks a little dirty to me, and not dirty in a “I’ve been a naughty girl kind of way” — a “my self-tanning gun exploded in my face” kinda dirty. (popoholic)

Chloe Bello models Despi swimwear. (UseMyComputer)

Blake Lively doing the booty shake on SNL! (Moe Jackson)

Madonna, or human-yak hybrid? (Holy Moly!)

Cristiano Ronaldo’s chest is just SICK. (Socialite Life)

Kourtney Kardashian tries her hand at soft-core preggo porn! (CelebNewsWire)

“Armored” is really just “Heist” for morons. (Pajiba)

Amy Adams is pregnant! (Bricks and Stones)

Ashlee Simpson was fired from Melrose Place because the entire cast hated her! (Bricks and Stones)

Guess which Kardashian takes a shot to the face in this clip? (TMZ)

A monkey on a goat on a tightrope. You can’t make this shit up. (omg blog)

The PTC is trying to stop Monday’s Gossip Girl threesome! Now see if they can stop me from not caring. (Seriously? OMG)

Jim Carrey is now a Hasidic Jew. Beard and all. (ICYDK)

Listen to round one of the Michael Lohan’s ET messages. Highlights include “Lindsay sobbing hysterically” and “Lindsay saying no one cares about her.” (ONTD)

Hailey Glassman/Perez Hilton bitch fight! (Bitten and Bound)

Michael Jackson liked urinating in front of small children, says his former doctor. Yeah, that’s fuckin normal. (Hollywood Rag)

Kate Beckinsale stunning as always at the “Everybody’s Fine” world premiere. (Moe Jackson)

Find out why the Army is apologizing to Ryan Seacrest. (Wonderwall)

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson vamp it up in this cheesy Harper’s Bazaar photo shoot. (Socialite Life)

British Page 3 Girl Rosie Jones goes topless for your hump day. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Madonna brings Jesus to Valentino’s party. Good thing they make those retractable leashes for people. (Holy Moly)

Taylor Swift’s Guitar Hero commercial! (Gabby Babble)

AnnaLynne McCord nippley-slippley. (CelebNewsWire)

Petra Nemcova gets wet and wild in a Karine Belouaar photo shoot. (Glamcrunch)

^{PHOTO SOURCE: NY Daily News}

Our Lady of the Peace Madonna toured a child care center in Malawi with her adopted children David and Mercy yesterday, where local villagers proclaimed her to be their God. You probably know her better as “White Devil, White Devil.” The Daily Mail says

During the visit, one young orphan told Madonna: ‘You are our god. Where could we have been without you?’

Madonna is said to have looked bemused by the comment. The 51-year-old also promised electricity to a local village.

The singer told [the villagers], “I know you work in darkness. I will bring you electricity.”

And then Madonna said, “Let there be light”: and there was light. And she saw that it was good. And then she said, “Let all of the light be recessed indirect lighting and pink-tinted LEDs.” For Madonna was very, very old.

With Mercy on Kabbalah night: