Actress Anne Heche is carrying another life form inside of her! And no, this one isn’t a half-sibling of Jesus or the communiqué of extraterrestrials. Not yet, anyway. According to Us Weekly
Anne Heche and her beau, actor James Tupper, are expecting their first child together. “They are thrilled,” her rep tells Us. The two first met in 2006 on the set of their short-lived ABC drama Men In Trees while Heche was still wed to husband Coley Laffoon.
Let’s do the math, shall we? Anne Heche herself admitted that she was batshit insane for the first thirty years of her life. She still claims to have an alter ego (the daughter of God and half-sibling of Jesus mentioned earlier) named “Celestia” who regularly chats with outer space aliens. And don’t let’s forget that Anne also reportedly contracted herpes from her sexually-abusive gay father. Given that information, what are the mathematical odds that their baby won’t end up a gender-confused closet-cutting alcoholic? Make sure and show your work. Answers at the bottom of the post.
ANSWER: Negative zero. Also acceptable: 24/7 69. Get it? Wooo!