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Ashlee Simpson Has Breathing Problems

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Creepy pervert Joe Simpson recently admitted that daughter Ashley did, in fact, have work done on her nose last year — despite her complete refusal to acknowledge it in the slightest — but the surgery was for her “breathing problems,” not because her schnozz was huge and lumpy. Right. According to Female First

Joe Simpson says the 22-year-old star underwent rhinoplasty last year purely for health reasons. Joe told Us Weekly magazine: “Girls have their own ideas. Anyway, there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured.

Um, if you meant deviated septum surgery, then her surgeon totally fucked it up, because the septum is on the inside of the nose. Not the outside. Meaning the outward appearance of the nose wouldn’t change. At all. Dumbass. By the same token I should assume that Jessica’s breast implants regulate her heart palpitations and the extensions help with the seizures. You know, I never really thought about claiming my tattoo on my health insurance, but thanks to Joe, I now see that it just might have been a “treatment for eczema” instead of the “horrible reminder of ‘Tequila Bong’ Spring Break ’98″ that it is today. Just like the anus-bleaching was for my hemorrhoids and the bikini wax was for my asymmetrical labia. Blue Cross/Blue Shield is going to my bitch. You just wait!