21-year-old Brittney Jones — who had wild sex with [Kutcher] after they met at Lucky Strike Lanes in Hollywood in July — [revealed] the trail of texts between them chronicling the saga of their relationship.
“Ashton was really paranoid,” Brittney [says] of their electronic exchanges.
Despite his concern, they were texting each other suggestive things like, “what are u wearing now?” They also organized their rendezvous via text: they met in a parking lot and drove back to Ashton and Demi’s $3 million Beverly Hills home [and] had sex on the family couch.
After their tryst — and for over a month after their initial meeting — they continued texting and, in one exchanged Brittney asked, “Whens the next time you’re gonna have an empty house?” To which Ashton replied, “Not sure maybe the end of the month,” noting at the time he was “w/ my daughter.”
Uh-oh… looks like it’s time to pay the fiddler, Ashton. I don’t know what that entails, exactly. It’s just one of those expressions old people use when they get flustered at a restaurant, like “the cobbler’s wife is the worst shod!” or “fine words butter no parsnips!” Not to be confused with “labe the gestry” and “jeeb the tonical,” which are actually just made-up words and an early warning sign of dementia.
Not to mention he owes us ALL an apology for that hat:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures