Seeing pictures of Lindsay Lohan always makes me wanna take a shower. You feel nasty just looking at her. Between the indiscriminate patches of self-tanner and the coke sweat, she always looks greasy and dirty and like she should be crawling out of a frat house at 4:30 in the morning with a condom stuck to her shoe and barf in her hair. And then there’s the makeup. Dear God, the makeup. The only thing she did right was covering up that cold sore with lipstick.
At the A&E Networks 2012 Upfront in New York last night: