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Beyonce is a Jealous Bitch

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Perhaps you already suspected that Beyonce was a spoiled, self-important, back-stabbing little bitch. Well, now you can know that with absolutivity. TMZ reports that Beyonce gave an interview in the hopes of quelling the rumors of cattiness and general bitchery with co-star Jennifer Hudson on the set of “Dreamgirls.”

“I knew that the character that I played wasn’t the star … I’m already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played [Jennifer Hudson's role]. She did incredible.”

That’s what you call “A burn in sheep’s clothing.” Southern women through the ages have mastered the art of shoving the gilded knife in your back. Delivering scathing sugar-coated insults is a complex art. It’s like being given candy bar to enjoy, a savory little bit of praise, like, “You look nice…” But when you take that the first bite of the metaphorical Snickers bar, you realize it isn’t really a candy bar at all, but instead a turd someone has covered in chocolate. “Well, as nice as you can look in those awful glasses. At least the lenses are thick enough to hide some of those styes.” See what just happened here? You just ate a turd. Southern women are evil geniuses.