Reports say that Mischa Barton and her mother, Nuala, looked calm and collected when they visited the Central Park Ritz-Carlton last week after her character in “The OC” was killed, but a Star journalist riding in the elevator with them caught a different picture.

“You’re so fucking retarded!” the magazine reports Mischa told her mom, when she had trouble working the Ritz’s elevator key. “What idiot can’t put a fucking key in? You’re so stupid - it takes you 10 hours to do anything!” But Mama Barton took it all in stride. “You’re mad about something that has nothing to do with me,” she said sagely. “Stop with the attitude!”

The little bitch sure swears a lot. After the “Niggaz With Attitude,” here come the “Starlets With Attitude.”

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Girls give a lot of money to plastic surgeons to try to look like Elizabeth Hurley and guys give a lot of money to date superficial girls that look like her. That’s the cycle of life.

More pics after the jump.

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He is born, the holy child! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie gave birth to a little daughter the night of May 27, 2006, in Namibia and she is called the messiah.

The Hollywood stars have named their baby daughter Shiloh, a Hebrew word which translates roughly as “the peaceful one” and is taken by Christians to mean the messiah. Jolie, 30, gave birth to the girl, full name Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, on Saturday in the southern African country of Namibia, where the couple had taken over an entire hotel. No translations for Nouvel other than the French for new were offered.

That’s it. Barbie and Ken are the proud parents of a sure-to-be-plastically-perfect child. All hail the new messiah!

Update: A reader tells me that the word shiloh (prounounced “Sh-E-Lo” in hebrew) doesn’t have any special meanings, it simply translates to “yours.” He adds that they were probably trying to name the baby “mine” which is “sheli” (Sh-E-Li) in hebrew. Thanks for clearing that up Adam!

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Elizabeth Hurley can make gay men straight for one night. [The Bastardly]

Jennifer Aniston’s nipples are our friends. [Hollywoodtuna]

Hugh Hefner is the world’s greatest pirate. Aye, Captain! [Cityrag]

Kate Moss snorts coke and then attacks the paparazzi. [Egotastic!]

Beyonce tells Jay-Z his nostrils are too heavy. [A Socialite's Life]

Now I understand why I didn’t see Megan Fox on TV lately. She’s been too busy giving a hand (job) to Brian Austin Green.

See Megan at work after the jump.

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Former Playboy model Jaime Pressly feared she would have to star in a sex tape to make it in Hollywood, after many celebrities sex tapes catapulted them to stardom. Stars like Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Eve and Fred Durst have been in the spotlight when their private raunchy videos were released to the public. Jaime says:

“No way would I ever do it. Not after what happened to everybody I know. And people I don’t even know! Not a chance. Last year sex tapes were the in thing. It made me go, ‘Jesus, all I had to do was have sex with somebody on a tape? I’ve been working for 11 years busting my ass and all I had to do was have sex on the internet?’”

What the hell? Jaime showed her boobies and her ass for years to make it in Hollywood. Don’t tell me it’s her nice teeth that catapulted her to stardom. Ah, those little starlets can be quite funny sometimes.

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Here are some pics of Paris Hilton shooting her new music video. I would be more happy to post pictures of somebody shooting this dumb whore.

More pics after the jump.

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Brandon Davis asked Lindsay Lohan, aka “Firecrotch,” to forgive him for his hateful tirade in which he joked about her private parts as Paris Hilton laughed like a little school boy.

“My behavior on May 16 was inexcusable,” Davis says in a statement that sounds like he had some help in writing. “What started out as a joke got completely carried away and I am horrified at the words that came out of my mouth. I consider Lindsay a friend and I hope she accepts my sincere apology for my reprehensible actions last week.”

Hey, Brandon, you’re a shitfaced bastard and a douchebag. Oh, and you’re so fat that when you fart the earth quakes. So, will you be my friend?

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Borat is my spiritual master. [goldenfiddle]

It looks like Marilyn Manson ran out of lipstick. [The Bastardly]

Hoho, I mean Coco, gives Tara Reid a run for her money. [BlogNYC]

Ashlee Simpson is invisible. If only it could be true. [Hollywoodtuna]

‘Broken Trail’ replaces hot gay sex with middle-aged heterosexuel romance. [Best Week Ever]

Okay, she’s hot. But you have to admit that Avril Lavigne is to punk rock what George W. Bush is to world peace. A threat.

More pics after the jump.

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Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are launching a new health and nutrition show aimed at young children. The project, which will focus on fitness and healthy eating has received a mixed reaction.

“Some execs are weirded out to do a show about food with the Olsens.”

It should be noted that Mary-Kate underwent rehab for witchcraft in 2004. The little wizard could eat just one chocolate bar and spend the whole day vomiting. That’s magic.

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Here are some pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt at “The Break Up” premiere. I think she should break up with her hairstylist. Whatever. I guess you’re already staring at her boobs as I write this.

More pics after the jump.

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