Jessica Simpson is Retarded
Tags: Jessica Simpson
I’m not sure what exactly is wrong with Jessica Simpson. I vaguely remember a time when she was considered attractive, but it all seems so hazy and long ago. Especially when I keep seeing pictures of her looking like that, or like this:
What do you say to that? I take it the divorce was harder than anticipated? Is this what happens when your daddy loves your boobies? Is Ashlee’s new nose hitting harder than expected? Are you technically retarded? No, not retarded retarded, but like Forrest Gump retarded? Was there a head injury? What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? What is the weight in pounds of a metric ton? Answer me! Answer me, you stupid asshat, or I’ll cut my own wrists! Don’t make me do it!
I’m sorry, what were we talking about? And why am I bleeding? First the bound and gagged Jesuit priest in my bed, and now this. Thursdays are just plain weird.
15 Comments, Comment or Ping
easy e
Who the fuck wears lip liner anymore? Other than Mexicans I mean.
Oct 12th, 2006
sonya
Why does her tongue match her lips? It looks like she’s been drinking Kool-Aid.(Because she thought that it would make her cool.)
But seriously, she’d fit in with the Special Ed class with her stupid maw open like that.
Oct 12th, 2006
d. c.
Horrors.. things look bad. Joe may have to go back to fleecing the flocks if her career doesn’t improve.
Oct 12th, 2006
Audrey
She really irritates me. Always has. Always will. Please, can we move on to the next wave of annoying blondes and leave this one behind.
Oct 12th, 2006
ApacheRose
in that first picture, think “Home Alone” mixed with “blow-up sex doll.”
Oct 12th, 2006
abby
Apache Rose — you stole my comment! Only say it in that movie “Secret Window” voice: “You stole mah stoe-ree.” Great minds really do think alike.
Oct 12th, 2006
walrusgumboot
Because of that first pic, the one with the nasty lips, and by nasty I mean hot, sexy, red lips, I would like to see a red “O” at the base of my 9 inch love python after she deep throats me.
Oct 12th, 2006
Italian Stallion
She must have blew pop, err….I mean had a Blow Pop……
Oct 12th, 2006
Cock-Ninja
What do you mean, an African or European Swallow?
To begin with, I needed basic kinematic data on African and European swallow species.
It’s a simple question of weight ratios:
Because wing beat frequency and wing amplitude both scale with body mass, and flight kinematic data is available for at least 22 other bird species, it should be possible to estimate the frequency (f) and amplitude (A) of the European Swallow by a comparison with similar species. With those two numbers, it will be possible to estimate airspeed (U).
In order to maintain airspeed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second right?
Actually, wrong. By comparing the European Swallow with bird species of similar body mass, we can estimate that the swallow beats its wings 18 times a second with an amplitude of 18 cm
If we ignore body mass and look only at bird species with a similar wingspan, we can estimate an average frequency of 14 beats per second and an amplitude of 23 cm:
By averaging all 6 values, we can estimate that an average European Swallow flies at cruising speed with a frequency of roughly 15 beats per second, and an amplitude of roughly 22 cm.
For a European Swallow flying with our estimated wingbeat amplitude of 24 cm, the predicted pattern of cruising flight ranges from a Strouhal number (St) of 0.2:
Three shall be the number thou shalt count…….
By inverting this midpoint Strouhal ratio of 0.3 (fA/U ≈ 0.3), Graham K. Taylor et al. show that as a rule of thumb, the speed of a flying animal is roughly 3 times frequency times amplitude (U ≈ 3fA).
We now need only plug in the numbers:
U ≈ 3fA
f ≈ 15 (beats per second)
A ≈ 0.22 (meters per beat)
U ≈ 3*15*0.22 ≈ 9.9
… to estimate that the airspeed velocity of an unladen European Swallow is 10 meters per second. Thankyou!!!
Oct 12th, 2006
Cock-Ninja
Also, It’s not cool to make fun of the mentally handicapped.
Oct 12th, 2006
abby
Oh, cock-ninja, you’re the ninja-est.
Oct 12th, 2006
Ace
At least she looks alive with life now instead of completely dead like when she showed up to Ashlee’s premiere in London. I’ve always found Ms. Simpson attractive. She still is. She still has a spot in my heart when she finally gets out of this desperate tailspin and her complete failure as an actress and recording artist/plagiarist (I didn’t forget about her ripping madonna) and shakes her dad who’s leading her over the celebrity edge. On a slightly related note, why are we still talking about her? What of note has Jessica Simpson done lately except get upstaged by her sister and been shown as an incompetent designer of wigs and fashion (polo boots, anyone?) and a general failure? If someone could tell me, I’d love it. Maybe Jessica could tell me…
Also a metric ton is 2200 lbs or 1000 kilograms, whichever you may prefer.
Oct 12th, 2006
Christopher Longaway
Aaaaahhh shit!!! Jessica has finally lost her damn mind. What a waste too! She was so beautiful before she started going Gothic. I am sure you all can see her black finger nails. And the fact that the she is ALWAYS STICKING OUT HER TONGUE. She must give really good head. That is probably what got her where she is today. She is displaying she has skills at oral.
Oct 13th, 2006
Miss Honeybee
Chick has gone mad! Her eyes tell the story - she’s HIGH.
Oct 13th, 2006
weetabix
After seeing the first picture, I think we now know where the porn industry got the prototype for the blow-up sex doll.
That mouth has “fuck this orifice” written all over it– but then, her daddy trained her well.
Oct 15th, 2006
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