Paris Hilton Wants to Be a Bond Girl
Paris Hilton showed up in London’s West End for the premiere of the new Bond flick “Casino Royale” with a heavily laquered wonky eye. I’m not sure why she’d make the eye the focal point of her makeup — what with it being lazy and all — but God knows it’s the only thing you see when you look at her. Maybe she’s hoping the movie’s directors and writers will notice and create a sexy villianous role for her. Something like “The Wonktress.” She could wear an eye patch until the Bond seduction scene, and when the right moment arrived (re: topless and straddling a muscular but detached Bond), she could pull the eye patch off and look him square in the face with that horrible eye and say “How d’ya like me now, Mister Double-Oh-Seven?” Then James Bond would let out a blood-curdling scream and wet his pants. And then he’d say, “Wait — I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Or someone behind me? I can’t quite tell where you’re looking.” And then the Wonktress would run away crying, and I would laugh and laugh. Boy, that’d be the best Bond movie ever.
More wonky goodness after the jump.
14 Comments, Comment or Ping
Walrus Gumboot
I keep saying her eye is not lazy! That’s the eye I always spunk in after one of her horrible blow jobs! (If, in fact, ANY blowjob can be called horrible?)
It’s ’splooge’ eye.
Nov 15th, 2006
Italian Stallion
Paris Hilton went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at Paris and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
Doing so he asked her, “Do you know what I am doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “You are checking for abrasions or
Dermatological abnormalities.”
“That’s right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts. “Do you know what I am doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, “You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted Paris and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
“Do you know what I am doing now?”
“Yes,” she said, “You’re getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place.”
Nov 15th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Stallion, I think your comment is bullshit, for the simple fact that Paris doesn’t know what ‘Dermatological abnormalities’ means let alone how to say it!
Nov 15th, 2006
RichPort
Paris Hilton wants to be a bondage girl.
Nov 15th, 2006
tom
Paris is a little sexier than all the other Bond girls combined. By “Bond girl” you should know that I mean a shit-filled rotted mule carcass covered in used condoms and cigarette butts floating in a pool of sulphur water.
Nov 15th, 2006
John Morden
Don’t Bond girls have to have at least an ounce of class at one point in their lives to qualify?
Nov 15th, 2006
Genevieve
As much as I can’t stand the bitch, I have to admit that that is a frickin’ gorgeous dress.
Nov 15th, 2006
Molly
Skeletor!!!
Nov 15th, 2006
leash
Why is her face about 2 shades paler than the rest of her body?
Ratty hair extensions, white face, MASSIVE bag (what’s going on with that?)…
She looks so unattractive here. True Paris.
Nov 15th, 2006
DickRamses
She always poses like she’s about to pee her pants and trying to hold it in.
Btw… which one is the wonker eye?
Nov 16th, 2006
Rioux
It also looks like she didn’t quite get all of her lips when she was putting on her lip stuff. Is the eye to blame? Or a really bad fashion decision? Or both?
Nov 16th, 2006
Ednonymous
Why was she there?
WTF has she got to do with James bond?
What idiot invited her?
Nov 16th, 2006
Anonymous
How about this for hte opening of the bond sequal? The bond villian kidnaps Paris, pulls outher fake hair, plucks out her lazy eye ala Pai Mei (while making some comment about that now she is “perfect”), makes her listen and watch her own crap “A clockwork orange”-style, and then goes all “Salo” on her and makes her eat her own shit before shooting her execution style in the head because she gave the megolomaniac bond villian syphilis after date raping him by spiking his cocktail of human blood with GHB.
Nov 17th, 2006
anonymous
Well, obviously she does have a lazy eye, however, I find it in poor taste that people make fun of her disability. True the girl is not the brightest nor the most likable, but still. I know people who have similar eye problems and I must say it is not easy for them. Obviously she has had surgeries in the eye to make it less obvious, but one can tell it is lazy: The light reflection on both pupils is not the same-that’s how you can tell the two eyes are not coordinated.
Oct 14th, 2007
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