The Wonkiest Eye That Ever Was
When I was a little kid, I can remember staying up late at slumber parties to take turns telling scary stories in the dark. I was pretty much unflappable. The only story that ever really got to me was the tale of “The Wonkiest Eye That Ever Was.” It actually made Mary Beth Reiter wet her pants, and Susan Dorsey had to call her mom to come take her home. I just huddled up in my sleeping bag and cried. I don’t remember all the details, but the story of the terrible eye haunted me for years.
It all came rushing back when I got a good look at these pictures of Paris Hilton at the Nicky Hilton Charity Gala this past Saturday. It was like the horrible tale had suddenly come to life. My dog started howling for no reason at all, the house started trembling, and my nose began to bleed uncontrollably. I had to make the sign of the cross and toss my laptop off our balcony just to make the shaking and bleeding stop. I’m pretty sure my computer killed some kid riding his bike on the way down. The blood of the innocent child seems to have assuaged The Wonkiest Eye for now, but no guarantees that it won’t strike again. I’d keep an open Bible and some Zovirax handy before I looked at any more of these pictures myself. Or at least just the Zovirax. Just to be safe.
More if you dare after the jump.
For the Hilton sister on sister slut-fest pictures, click here.
32 Comments, Comment or Ping
Zanna
I’m cold.
So…
cold….
Dec 11th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Here is another wonkey eyed skank!
http://www.ultimate-ashlee.com/pictures/awards/americanmusicawardshq/images/12.jpg
(It’s Ashlee Simpson)
Dec 11th, 2006
Dragulf
My Granny had a wonky eye. Scared the crap out of me when I was a kid too. I used to hate going to her house because “She’s ALWAYS looking at me!” Freaky!
Paris didn’t used to have that wonk but her ex kept punching her BAM! on the side of the head for saying stupid shit and it loosened her eye.
Dec 11th, 2006
abby
Dragulf! Yay!
Dec 11th, 2006
Glunp
Yea it really is weird. I just asked the same question. Have they always been like that?
http://www.glunp.com/2006/12/11/paris-hilton-multitasking.html
Dec 11th, 2006
oshkoshb'goshi'mhorny
Is it possible for your brown eye to be wonky? Not that I would know or anything… I have this friend, see…
Dec 11th, 2006
confused
Maybe it’s me but both eyes looked messed up
which is the wonky one?
right or left?
Dec 11th, 2006
Kristin
What in the name of sweet jesus is going on here? Is anyone going to point out to her that she looks like a stroke victim on her left side? My god woman, we live in a time of amazing medical advances. Certainly they can do something for this? Now we know why she encouraged Brit Brit to show her Vag Vag. To take the heat off her for the Wonk eye.
Dec 11th, 2006
Italian Stallion
best title ever…………
Dec 11th, 2006
Ednonymous
The last time I saw eye like that was on a body as I zipped up the bag… no, really.
Dec 12th, 2006
Austin
It’s funny, if you cover up one half of her face, she’s looking past you but if you cover up the other half, she’s looking right at you.
Into your soul.
Dec 12th, 2006
Alwayz Bitchin
Lol. That story just cracked me up Good one.
Dec 12th, 2006
es-won
paris (like me) obviously cares more about getting high than facial symmetry.
she is a major stoner. plus, she probably wears contacts. fucks with the eyes.
Dec 12th, 2006
sonya
Sorry, I wear contacts, and my eyes never look like Mad Eye Moody’s.
Dec 12th, 2006
Skye
That was so funny I cried!
Sonya, I agree. I’ve been wearing contacts since I was 13 and they don’t give people lazy eye. Maybe too much jizz in the eye does it…Incidentally, Paris Definitely wears contact lenses because her eyes are naturally brown not blue. Check out what she looked like before she turned herself into pornstar Barbie.
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/005189.html
Dec 12th, 2006
bob dylan
Naomi Watts to me, has one of the most beautiful faces I’ve ever seen (although age is catching her fast). I’m a sucker for a beautiful face, I WOULD DIE FOR THAT FACE! She is perfect but has damn wonky eye!
Sienna Miller, very pretty girl…same thing.
Scarlett Johansson is pretty and sexy…why does she have a sag off eye? It’s such a damn shame.
Penelope Cruz beautiful girl…sag off eye. It’s so damn disappointing.
Dec 13th, 2006
EBZ
That little lazy eye infuriates me.
Dec 13th, 2006
KKK Latino
Latino’s are ruining American!!
Dec 13th, 2006
colleen
wonky eye is a well known, common side effect of drugs and alcohol. Wonky-eyes closest relative is ecstacy…..powder form, vitamin E is top of the wonky-eye chain. I am old school, but I pressume the new school euphoric drugs have a little wonky-eye in there blood/family. The more I read these gossip blog sites the more I realize how naive the readers are….which is a good thing.
DRUGS, DUH!
Wonky-eye, wacky behavior, sweaty skin, oily hair, etc…
I.E. Laguna Beach the Real OC…such an obvious exhibition of signs of drug use…XTC, Coke…
Tabloid Party pics of the rich & wild celeb whores…pupils tell the story
How is it that ecstacy is never mentioned? Why is Lindsay the only one accused of drug abuse? Brandon Davis goes to rehab, Nicole Richie was once a heroin addict, is now an anorexic/bulemic, gets a dui for driving the wrong way on the highway and people still put the blinders on when they look at her. If anyone else had been behind the wheel of that SUV the story would have a very different ending.
My point…celebrity breeds stupidity….celebs minds are clouded by their own egos, the public is blinded by their own star struct silliness…the corporate world wants to keep the peace to keep getting a piece (of the pie)….profits over punishment.
As long as the Blind Eye Lives, Long live the wonky-eye….
All of the above makes me want to purge like Nicole….or something the size of Nicole!
Dec 13th, 2006
tess
seriously.
It´s like people are never good enough. Wonky eye? Gee. I bet 90% of you guys are ugly as hell, and the fact that one of paris hilton´s eyes is a little different than the other makes you feel better. pathetic.
although she has a damn saggy ass. :p
Dec 13th, 2006
LA Insider
She has a slow eye. Probably because when she was younger she needed glasses and never got them. She also wears blue contacts. She really has brown eyes.
Dec 14th, 2006
ash
personally, I think the squintier eye is better.
Dec 17th, 2006
Amy
Here here Colleen!
I agree with everything you said.
I can’t believe how naive some of the readers are. Most of the starlets are druggos, I don’t understand how this is not obvious to these star struck defenders….
Dec 19th, 2006
Sanna
I have crazy wonky eyes and I don’t play with drugs or alcohol. I had an eye surgery at the age of seven and it helped a bit. I never knew this would be a problem for someone…Wow I really must look like an insane retard witch.
Dec 28th, 2006
ndvderglkd
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Jun 18th, 2007
Kaye
Agree with Tess.
Do you know how ridiculously ignorant the majority of you sound? Have you all been living in a hole or something.. people have “lazy eyes”, or strabismus, etc. (not wonky eyes, as you all so favorably have started calling it). Yes, her eyes have always been like that. It is more noticeable when she wears her make-up differently. And it is probably more noticeable when she is tired, stressed. Most of you with sound so fucking stupid.
Sep 2nd, 2007
CALly
Well, Kaye, do you know how ignorant YOU sound? You may be able to use medical terminology, you just can’t use it correctly, which I venture to say is much worse than laymen using the term, “wonky.” The correct term is PTOSIS, which is drooping of the eyelid, that usually results from a congenital of acquired abnormality of the upper eyelid muscles. STRABISMUS is a term used to describe ocular misalignment, which Paris does not have. Next time you feel the need to declare everyone “ridiculously ignorant,” perhaps you should double-check yourself, so YOU don’t sound “fucking stupid.”
P.S. Paris’ eye is totally wonky!
Oct 20th, 2007
wonky_eye
I have a wonky eye too! I’m surprised to hear Paris and all these people have ‘em too. I met a guy at the Olympic Training Center whose wonky eye had turned outward, like Jean-Paul Sartre’s. I said I hope mine doesn’t do that or well, I’ll be pretty angry at it.
I had two surgeries for “strabismus” because my eyes were REALLY screwed up when I was little.
Oh, the Olympic Training Center, well, I was there because I was the current national champion in my events in olympic pistol. You see you only need one eye…..
Maybe this is why we chordates are built the way we are, bilateral symmetry and all that. You have a back-up. I’m left-handed but throw right-handed, do a surprising number of things right handed in fact because my wonky eye’s my left. Even shoot rifle right-handed (pistol left-handed) and got good enough to go to the olympic trials in that. Just for fun.
A hint to the wonky-eyed: When you’re going to have your picture taken, consciously open up that wonky eye a bit.
Nov 21st, 2007
Mother of One
Before I had a child I probably would have found all the postings above amusing. Not anymore. I have an 8 month old child who has PTOSIS on one of his eyes. He’s adorable and we love him to bits, we’re just glad he can see at all. What worries me is the crap he’s going to have to put up with from other people. I was worried it would be kids bullying him in the school yard but it’s so much worse than that, it’s people like yourselves that are the worst - adults who should know better than to mock peoples defects. I guess it makes you feel better about your own inadequacies but it’s pretty sad nevertheless.
Dec 17th, 2007
Trina
My husband has a wonky-eye and I love him with all of my heart!
Mar 20th, 2008
Liz
You both are idiots. The correct medical terminology for “lazy/wonky” eye is Amblyopia. What people are referring to is her eye trailing off to the side and not looking in the exact direction her “good eye” is, not what her eye-lid is doing.
However, in people with Amblyopia, the bad eye is usually sensitive to light, so the eye squints in bright light settings which makes the lid appear to “droop”.
Mar 26th, 2008
Candace
It seems to me that Paris’ eyes don’t trail correctly in the same direction and that she has “ptosis” of the left eye. Ptosis is when your muscles don’t work properly in the upper eye lid. Believe me I know, I have it too! There are not many options for surgery because the muscles in the eye lids are very unique. I’ve had one surgery already. Do any of you ignorant people understand what it is like to have a defect like this? It makes my life extremely hard! Do you know what it’s like to have people always talking about you behind your back? Do you know what it’s like when people think you are a weirdo? Do you know what it’s like to constantly be reminded that most people will think you are ugly and not accept you, even though I am extremely gorgeous, smart, sweet, caring, and honest? Do you know how hard it is to keep myself secure enough everyday so I don’t cry every single second of everyday? It’s a hard and a rough life! Before you go bashing a celebrity or anyone else you don’t know, because you have nothing else better to do you, you should think about what they live with and how they feel inside!!! No one is perfect…would you like people constantly criticizing your flaws and making you feel like a mutant? Please grow up and do something more productive with your time!!
Jun 24th, 2008
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