Shakira’s fat doofey boyfriend will make your wiener cry. (The Bastardly)
Did you miss the premiere of “Hey Paula” last night? Shame on you! (Dlisted)
The Pink Taco grand opening had more D’s than the dumb kid with ADD’s report card. Zing! (A Socialite’s Life)
Hayden Panettiere really likes to, uh, lick things. Get your mind out of […]

Here are some photos of Madonna leaving a Starbucks in New York earlier this week, looking beautiful as ever. Yes, that’s right — beautiful. And when I say beautiful, I mean not at all like a crusty old hag who spends her days crouched over a bubbling caldron casting spells with eye of newt and […]

Horseface McUgly Kimberly Stewart attended the launch for the classily named Pink Taco Restaurant in LA yesterday, wearing some sort of hideous contraption made out of black doilies and electrical tape.
I don’t really have much else to say about this, except that even if you happen to be a gorgeous model — if you procreate […]

Somebody told me that these were photos taken of Katie Holmes in LA this week, but I didn’t fucking believe it — because this is obviously Michael Jackson. How else do you explain the giant dark sunglasses, surgically unrecognizable alien face, gnarled hands and complete lack of breasts? And furthermore, who else under the age […]

Well, despite what Abby said yesterday, my Britney moratorium is officially over! Hooray! But only because this is a classy story, and not one that involves her gleefully shoving her bare ladyparts in the direction of any willing cameras.
Sources are now reporting that K-Fed is dragging his heels on signing the divorce papers over concerns […]

Brittany Murphy is a fucking idiot. (The Blemish)
Vivica A. Fox places the race card. I guess the “Booty Call” card had already been dealt. (MollyGood)
The Spice Girls reunited — and planning a tour! It’s like my junior year in high school just threw up a little. (Hollywood Tuna)
Megan Fox is […]

The toxicology reports are in, and it seems that actress Lindsay Lohan was both drunk and high on cocaine when she wrecked her car in Los Angeles Memorial Day weekend. TMZ reports
According to multiple law enforcement sources, toxicology reports conclude that Lohan, 20, had “nearly twice the legal limit” of alcohol and traces of […]

You might have noticed that I more than made up for Stacey’s Britney ban these last few days. Some people have standards and are discerning; I, for one, do not. She’s here again tomorrow, so you guys can play Mahjong and sip your martinis and peer down your noses from your lofty Paris- […]

Former Wham! frontman George Michael isn’t just good at jerking off and passing out at intersections — he’s also good at avoiding reality. According to Digital Spy
George Michael is refusing to take an HIV test because he fears the result could come back as positive. The gay singer revealed he has not had […]

Paris Hilton appeared on Larry King last night in her first televised interview since being released from jail. Below is an excerpt of what I believe to be the most pivotal moment of the interview:
KING: Were you strip-searched? Do they do that in jail?
HILTON: Yes.
KING: What was that like?
HILTON: The most humiliating experience […]