Eva Longoria is Off the Market

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Eva Longoria and Tony Parker wed in a civil ceremony in Paris today. Yawn.
People reports on the festivities:

The basketball star, 25, and the actress, 32, became man and wife at a civil ceremony – as required by French law – at the Mairie (city hall for the 4th Arrondissement) in Place Baudoyer, not far from Notre Dame.

With the civil service complete, the newlyweds will cement their union with a ceremony at the Church of Saint Germain l’Auxerriois on Saturday.

God. This is like, the most boring episode of “Desperate Housewivesever. They could have at least had her comically cheat on him right before the wedding, and then Susan does something dipshitty and everyone finds out, only to have Bree and Lynette get into a fight over something trivial right in the middle of the ceremony! Eventually everyone makes up, but before they can tie the knot — one of Lynette’s 11 children finds a dead body which is mysteriously linked to one of their new neighbors who also just happened to show up to the wedding. DUN!

That’s what should have happened anyway. But no, we just get the same boring old crap, like always — because life isn’t fair.

As a conciliation prize, here are some lovely photos of Eva Longoria, Eva Longoria’s ass, and Eva Longoria’s ass’s birthmark in a bikini, after the jump.

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8 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. beerdotcom182

    Hmmmm, an NBA point guard and a midget who is obviously completely full of herself. Great couple.

  2. I didn’t know 12 year olds could get married.

  3. Tony

    She has a mustache and is a dirty mexican. He is a french nig. Nice.

  4. margaretta

    OMG could she eke out any more publicity out of this?
    2 mil from OK!
    I guess a lot of people give a flying fig over this no talent fugly woman who has the body of a 10 yr old?
    I wonder how much publicity the divorce will get?

  5. DiamondSal

    Star Jones and Big Al Horrible Swag Marriage endlessly publicized all over again.. Old 32 boring TV star hag spectacularly marries stupid 25 year old basketball player with [whatever] snooze elite guests wanted a free vacation, it cost nothing, the odd and dull couple made a profit.. woo woo! NOT gonna last as long..oria as her other marriage because he has a temper and likes his private space!

  6. bionic bunny

    is her bikini made of aluminum foil??

  7. lolilita

    what are you talking about? Look at that round ass!!

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