More Britney news, because this was just too delightful to pass up: it has come to my attention that manny/Sean-Preston-rescuer/Britney-beaver-poker Damion Shippen, better known to many of us as the mustachioed Geico caveman-looking former bodyguard of Britney Spears, use to sell dildos for a living before he was entrusted with the care of her two children. Rush and Molly report

Sources tell X17online.com that Shippen is also taking care of mommy [Britney's] needs, though “no one’s expecting wedding bells.” The X17 site says Shippen’s past jobs allegedly include operating a sex toy and porn Web site. Spears’ rep didn’t return calls.

Ah, a dildo salesman! Because Hedi Fleiss and the Gambino crime family were unavailable, I suppose. When you’re looking for a babysitter, you want someone who knows everything about anything having to do with genitals. And what you can pack genitals full of or stuff your genitals into and how that translates to infant care. Cock rings, for instance, make great teething rings if put in the freezer for a couple of hours. And a butt plug is pretty much a ready-made pacifier, once you’ve given a thorough spraying with some Windex, of course. Trust me, a six month old’s orifices never know the difference!

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