Nicolette Sheridan/Michael Bolton Duet in the Works
Look out, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton — there’s a new duet in town! According to Star Pulse
Singer Michael Bolton and his fiancée Nicollette Sheridan are teaming up to record an album of duets. The Desperate Housewives star has no previous musical experience, but is venturing into pop after encouragement from Bolton. She says, “I am such a shy singer but Michael has made me more confident and my voice has grown. We’re planning an album of duets. You might think its madness but we like the way our voices blend.”
Madness, no; shit, yes. Worst. Duet. Ever. I can think of a million things I’d rather do than listen to Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan singing about their everlasting love. I don’t have time to write down all of the things I’d rather do, so here are a just a few for you to consider. Ten things to consider, to be precise.
Top Ten Things I’d Rather Do Than Listen to a Michael Bolton/Nicolette Sheridan Duet
10. Three words: Justin Timberlake concert
9. A cross-country road trip with a toddler and my incontinent grandmother
8. Watch a Rhea Perlman sex tape
7. Listen to book tapes of the “2007 Physician’s Desk Reference” as read by Mario Cantone
6. Make out with Jared from Subway
5. A pap smear on ’shrooms
4. Give Robin Williams a bikini wax
3. Douche with fire ants
2. Wear Cisco Adler’s balls as a hat
1. This (NSFW)… but with my labia
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
RichPort
#1A - Amputate my penis with an alcohol dipped rusty butter knife… while eating maggot infested brie.
Jul 19th, 2007
abby
Ah, brie au maggot! A classic.
Jul 19th, 2007
JohnL
I’ve already jammed ice picks into both ears. I’m not taking the slightest risk of even one note from this oeuvre being processed by my primary auditory cortex. Kelly Osbourne did enough damage to it already. And to my visual cortex.
Jul 19th, 2007
sonya
I love your “Top Ten” lists.
Yuck, Jared from Subway. I can’t stand him. His mouth looks like those upside down chin-face things you used to do as a kid.
Jul 19th, 2007
Dragulf
No wonder my ears were bleeding when I woke up today.
Jul 19th, 2007
abby
Instead of “My Dick in a Box,” I think “My Balls as a Hat” has a nice ring to it. It’d definitely make an interesting video.
Jul 19th, 2007
Ginger
#5. Hilarious! You were really thinking outside the box on that one.
Jul 19th, 2007
margaretta
Give Courtney Love a pedicure, someone’s got to do it
Jul 19th, 2007
RichPort
I hope this doesn’t out sell that box set compilation of 50’s classics I recorded with my cat.
MMMMMRRRREEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW…..
Jul 20th, 2007
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