Pete Doherty is desperate to have ex-girlfriend Kate Moss back in his life. So desperate, if fact, that he hit up The Mirror — the British tabloid responsible for publishing those infamous photos of Kate snorting cocaine — to make the following heartfelt plea:

“Kate has broken my heart… I can’t get hold of her. This is the only way I can get through. I need her to know that she’s out of her fucking mind. Kate, if you love me then realise I don’t want any other girl. I love her with all my heart.

Then he kinda switches gears:

“Kate - a nasty old rag. We fell out for the same old reason. She accused me of fucking this girl who lives around the corner. We were watching a DVD together and Kate started going ‘I could tell by the way you were sitting back there that you’ve fucked her’. I said ‘You’re out of your fucking mind’. I was really up for some peace and love that morning. I wasn’t up for being called a cock and being kicked in the head.”

So Kate should probably just disregard this, then:

Incredibly, wayward Doherty has since proposed to a stunning Parisian artist named Christine he met on the day Kate dumped him. He is set to marry her in November. The star candidly admitted: “I made rather a rash gesture. It was more in a fit of anger. I asked this bird Christine to marry me.”

This is a pretty crappy attempt at reconciliation, even for Pete Doherty. For Chrissake, that cat painting was better than this. He could have at least done something a tad more repentant than calling Kate “nasty” and asking another woman to marry him. Like, say, he could have written her an apology poem. Maybe with his own feces. You know, made it some kind of metaphor about what a piece of shit he’s been. It could work. Or he could maybe just eat a turd. It’d still be better than this interview.

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