Britney Spears Had Sex With a Magician
Yikes, hold onto your breakfast kids — it has been more or less confirmed that Britney Spears consummated her relationship with professional illusionist/nutsack Criss Angel. The Daily Mail reports:
The chaotic star was seen returning to an LA hotel at 4am with the magician after a night drinking Dom Perignon champagne.
The Vegas showman, who stars in his own TV show called Mindfreak, invited her to spend the night with him — and she agreed. They tried to check in to the exclusive Hotel Bel-Air but staff refused them a room. The pair then went to The Tower Beverly Hills hotel where they were seen holding hands on the way to their 11th floor suite and spotted opening a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne on the balcony.
At 2am they came down clutching champagne and went for a late-night drive in Criss’s Rolls Royce Phantom. They then returned to the hotel at 4am — after allegedly ordering Britney’s bodyguard to pick up some condoms at a 7-Eleven store.
This must have marked a new milestone for Criss Angel as it was likely the first time in his life getting some poon without having to use his powers of “Mindfreaking” to score it. I can picture how the scenario must have gone down — Criss trying to hypnotize Britney by slipping some opiates into her champagne and dangling some fruity little medallion around in her face. Once he finally notices that dead-eyed, vacant look in her eyes he goes to make his move — only to have Britney suddenly squawk, “Are we’s gonna have sex or are you gonna keep playin’ wit that necklace like some sorta fag all night?” It appears the Mindfreaker has become the Mindfreakee. Kinda poetic, actually.
More of Britney and her sucky new boyfriend, after the jump.
11 Comments, Comment or Ping
Dragulf
Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am! Now watch him disappear.
Aug 17th, 2007
Vermillion
He DOES know that it is pretty hard to walk up walls if your crotch is burning, right?
Aug 17th, 2007
open mouth jones
Thank you sweet baby Jesus for the little things in life. Like Britney NOT showing her cooter.
Aug 17th, 2007
margaretta
Oh oh oh, it’s magic…didn’t believe it was sooooo….oh oh…where’s my lolly? Dang!
Too bad he didn’t make her disappear
Aug 17th, 2007
JohnL
Did Britney throw away all her combs and brushes after she shaved the housing of her third fuckhole? I swear I have not seen ONE goddamn picture of her since then where her hair looks even remotely styled. Or washed, for that matter. Is she waiting until she gets her locks filled with a 2000 different jizz stains before she washes it again? Because that should be any day now.
Aug 17th, 2007
damonm
Does this girl own another pair of boots! You are right about the hair too, she always looks like dirt.
Aug 17th, 2007
RichPort
I wonder if he can make a rabbit pop out of her cooter?
Aug 17th, 2007
JohnL
RichPort:
LOL! I said LOL, mothafucka!
Aug 17th, 2007
Team Valtrex
Even Criss Angel couldn`t make those last 20 pounds disappear.
Aug 18th, 2007
bionic bunny
take back that rabbit remark, rich!
i think i just threw up a little.
Aug 22nd, 2007
hurry upz
i guess chris snake has no standards for a woman. the animals in the zoo look cleaner and more alert. next up chris dates an ape …..
Sep 16th, 2007
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