Lindsay Lohan’s Boyfriend is a Vampire
Lindsay Lohan’s “boyfriend” Calum Best has taken to snacking on strippers while she’s away in rehab. News of the World reports
[The stripper revealed]: “We were right at the crucial moment when suddenly [Best] started biting me harder and harder. In the end I said, ‘Ow. That hurts’. He bit my shoulder really hard and I started thinking, ‘Wow, this is a bit weird.’ He started really digging his teeth in and biting my arms. It was so painful I asked what he was doing. He looked at me and said, ‘This is how I do it when I have sex with Lindsay. She likes it kinky’.”
Biting? That’s it? I was thinking more along the lines of choke chains and zippered gimp masks and adjustable yokes for the likes of Lindsay Lohan. I’ve had sexier times watching “Murder, She Wrote” with my incontinent grandmother after mass. The fact that I’m a urolagniac graophiliac hierophiliac doesn’t count. Lindsay Lohan is still fucking boring!
13 Comments, Comment or Ping
Miwanna
Those aren’t bite marks. Seen plenty of bites on kids, they love to bite each other. That ain’t it. Rude, lying whore.
Aug 20th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
“…..urolagniac graophiliac hierophilia…”
I’m not even gonna look that up and call you a degenerate.
Aug 20th, 2007
abby
Those words took about twenty minute’s worth of research, Slim. Really, God forbid my Google search list ever gets made public. I’ll probably go to jail.
Aug 20th, 2007
JohnL
What’s with all them big words, Perfessor Science? I come here to be titillated, not educated. Take your fancy 8th-grade learnin’ somewhere else.
Aug 20th, 2007
JohnL
Just kiddin’. Ya know I love ya, abby, but you’re trying too hard. You had me at “Biting”.
Aug 20th, 2007
Dragulf
That stripper is a lot hotter than Lilo. Then again, so are sheep.
Wait, that sounds wrong. Fuck it, I don’t care.
Aug 20th, 2007
abby
I know. The point was to make you dirty bastards have to google it, too. That way I’ll have a little company in jail.
Aug 20th, 2007
RichPort
I bet to get REEEEEEAL kinky they watch Black porn and STILL smooch after vomitting on each other. Those crazy kids.
Aug 20th, 2007
margaretta
Cheez, you must’a had’a gone to collage dab nag.
Aug 20th, 2007
open mouth jones
I wanted to write something witty and appropriate about this post. But after wracking my brain for what seems like an eternity all I can up with is poo.
So with as much enthusiasm as I can muster: Poo on you, Calum. Poo on you with your ‘kinky’ biting and firecrotch kooties.
Aug 20th, 2007
open mouth jones
by the by: I just got up enough energy to google your lovely little -iac’s up there. The little ‘did you mean’ doodad asked me if I meant drphil when I looked up graophilia.
Tee hee.
Aw fuck it.
LOL!
Aug 20th, 2007
goldend
you can get bruises from bites (loooove bites), I know this because an ex did that to me once, and I kinda enjoyed it (shame on me!) we broke up short after and then I developed sort of a bruises fetish, you know like sucking the teeth marks in my skin and getting really really…anyway, yes you can get bruises from bites.
Aug 20th, 2007
syd
Amy Winehouse called, she wants her hair back.
Aug 20th, 2007
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