Britney Spears Knows She’s Fat
Say what you will about Britney’s VMA performance this weekend — it at least prompted her to finally admit that she’s gotten fat. Us Weekly reports
No one was more shocked watching Britney Spears’ performance at MTV’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas on Sunday night than the 25-year-old popstar herself. “She was also able to see video of herself throughout the auditorium,” a backstage source tells Us Weekly. “She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!’ She was inconsolable.”
I’m not one to kick a girl when she’s down, so when I found her sobbing in the Palms’ bathroom with cake batter oozing down her chin and a drumstick in either fist, I just gave her a gentle hug and let her cry it out. See? I’m not the heartless bitch that some of you seem to think I am. I even wiped away her tears and handed her a couple of paper towels to clean the batter off her face. But of course she just ate them. In her defense, the towels were made from recycled paper, so maybe from far away they looked like bacon. I don’t know. I’m pretty sure fat girls don’t “see” the way we do. It’s mostly just faint colors and smells. Kind of how like a dog sees the world, only with more insecurity and self-doubt.
Because I don’t rub salt in the wounds, either, more of better blonde Hollywood mother of two Reese Witherspoon not looking fat in next month’s Elle after the jump.
10 Comments, Comment or Ping
open mouth jones
This post put the biggest smile ever on my face.
Honestly, I hope she cries her a river. And then floats out to sea, where she can play with all the other whales. Whales aren’t as judgemental as humans, so its likely the best place for her.
If anybody else would like to join me on the express plane to hell, I’ll be giving out free drinks.
Sep 12th, 2007
JohnL
Doesn’t Brit-Brit own any fucking mirrors, or does she keep them all on the floor for her railroad tracks of cocaine? Or maybe Criss Angel told her to take them all down. He probably doesn’t like catching a glimpse of his hideous mug either.
Everyone here is going to hell, and I already know what Satan has in store for all of us. Even Hitler will feel sorry for us, and he gets pineapples shoved in his ass every day. (Anyone who guesses the movie I’m referencing will get a nickel. Or a blowjob. Or a 50 cent coupon for Flying J truck stops. You’re choice.)
Sep 12th, 2007
syd
HAHAHA, JohnL… Little Nicky?? I’m so embarrassed to know that.
Now, about that Flying J coupon…
Sep 12th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
I have a dream, a dream where little boys and little girls of all races get to enjoy life without having to endure the existence of fat sweaty hogs like clitney speers smearing my 50 inch plasma screen!!!
SAY IT WITH ME!
Sep 12th, 2007
abby
Joe vs. the Volcano? I can only hope somebody took a pineapple in the pooper in that one.
Sep 12th, 2007
open mouth jones
JohnL, that was too easy! As syd said, it’s Little Nicky. And I’ll take the blow job. Don’t use no teeth, now, ya hear? Just let it slide down your throat hole.
And Abby, while no one got a pineapple in the pooper in that movie, I think someone should have gotten one in the pooper FOR that movie. Ugh, it was almost as wretched as [shudder] Glitter.
Sep 12th, 2007
robbyrob
not sure about why peeps are soooooo stuck on Britney all the time!!! give her a break!
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2250995
Sep 12th, 2007
Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver
Collect call from Col. Sanders for Brit- Brit… we have a deal… three buckets of the extra-crispy chicken with a dozen biscuits and side of gravy with a small diet coke for your next performance at the Louisvelle County Fair.
Sep 12th, 2007
umm
WTF?? Brit is a normal weight, she’s not an aneorexic sickly star… oh, the hypocrasy is really revolting. Girls, don’t look like the stick figures in the magazines, but if by some chance you don’t we will call you fat. You fucking pieces of shit… She’s sill skinner that 95% of the black female stars, but I guess everyone is too afraid to call those ghetto hoes like they see it.
Sep 12th, 2007
cunnilingusface
OK, she ain’t Nicole Ritchie, but how many of you bitches are any thinner than her? I doubt she wears higher than a size 6.
Sep 13th, 2007
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