O.J. Simpson Sex Diet
By now you already know that O.J. Simpson faces over a hundred years in prison after being charged with two counts of robbery and assault with a deadly weapon and conspiracy to commit a crime and burglary with a firearm for breaking into the Palace Station casino with a gun and stealing a bunch of sports memorabilia last week. You also already know that story is not whimsical or light-hearted nothing funny rhymes with Simpson (blimpson? pimpson?), so I chose not to report on it. Nor do I today. Instead, I give you Jared Leto’s hot sex diet! Female First reveals
Jared Leto has told Sienna Miller she can lose weight on a diet of curry powder and “lots of sex”. Sienna was forced to pile on the pounds for her role in new film ‘Hippie Hippie Shake’, and the ‘Fight Club’ star has recommended his unique weight-loss technique as a great way to slim back down. A source [said] “He can lose 14lbs in a month on an all-liquid diet by mixing water with curry powder or pepper and combining it with lots of sex.”
Wow. Because nothing says “sexy” like peppery diarrhea and a chapped asshole. I wouldn’t douche with tabasco, so why in God’s good name would I want to make myself shit curry powder? That’s just stupid. If you really want to heat things up in your lower intestines, eat a cup of live fire ants and let a scorpion sting your taint six or seven times an hour. It’s an ancient Chinese secret. Or else it’s a medieval torture procedure I read about in one of my netherworld forums. I really can’t remember. Doesn’t matter. Like the great Richard Simmons said in 1988, no pain, no gain. And the blisters just mean it’s working.
2 Comments, Comment or Ping
supes
Who would have thunk that you could lose weight by not eating, just drinking water and spice for a month? Leto is some kind of holisitc healer or something.
Sep 18th, 2007
RichPort
And just when the debate over the Iraq War is about to come to a head, as we undertake some of the toughest issues our republic has ever faced, with growing economic disparity and social unrest about to explode, oil targeting $100 a barrel, along comes Orenthal to free us from the mendacity that is reality based existence! Please allow me to be the first to say, fuck you very much OJ! No, I never believed you killed that white coke head beeotch or her escort friend, but fuck you very much for giving people like Star Jones and Greta Van Facefrozen careers. How many other horrid celebridiots will your latest bout of innocence spawn? I liked you just fine in Airplane and the Hertz commercials… you were a good house negro back then. So fuck you very much, and fuck any moron who draws guns over your worthless memorabilia. Asshole.
Sep 19th, 2007
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