Lindsay Lohan Fails Another Drug Test
Tags: Lindsay Lohan, rehab
Lindsay Lohan’s release from rehab got the kibosh last week after she failed a drug test. According to Female First
The ‘Mean Girls’ star was said to have completed her programme last week but was forced to stay on after testing positive for cocaine. Insiders also alleged she has been drinking alcohol and mixing diet pills with prescription anti-anxiety medication in a bid to get high. A source [said]: “I think she’ll take whatever pills they allow her. It’s obvious to me she’s high because she acts loopy and can’t seem to walk in a straight line!”
Another insider said: “She had a friend sneak vodka in a water bottle into one of the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings she goes to. Everyone wants her to be their friend, so they’ll do anything for her. She smells like booze, and the staff do nothing about it. I asked her if she had any intention of being sober and she looked at me like I was crazy. She’s still doing whatever she wants.”
Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan should form some kind of “fuck you” alliance. They could go around like superheroes in matching costumes made of cigarette cellophanes and three-inch straws and arrive just in the nick of time to save the day. And by “save the day,” I of course mean, “scream ‘fuck you’ at people and then high five each other and make out.” Like if a baby was trapped in a burning building, for example. They could stand a safe distance away from the flames and point their fingers and yell, “Hey! Baby! Fuck you!” And the doctor trying to save their liver? “Fuck you, you PR patsy!” The judge trying to arrange custody of their children? Yeah, you get the idea. Fuck him. Fuck everybody. Maybe their capes would be made out of condoms and they’d live in a lair constructed from Boones Farm bottles and tubes of Vagisil. I haven’t quite figured out all the details yet, but their car would definitely be called the “Skeezemobile.” And it would smell like bacon and Britney Spears’ “Curious” and only drive in reverse at 100 miles an hour. I’m already in talks with Marvel Comics.
More of Lindsay and the source of her unnatural color after the jump
24 Comments, Comment or Ping
Meg
Wait, so you’re saying I can go to a resort rehab and still do drugs and drink? Sign me up!
Is anyone really surprised by this? I didn’t think so.
Oct 3rd, 2007
abby
Rehab is the new Hyde.
Oct 3rd, 2007
DiamondSal
I think she is getting leave to spend time with her father.. as she has done so well, is remorseful and wants to live a more normal life apart from hollywood.. so this “she’s back and still doing trash” story is kinda iffy huh?
Oct 3rd, 2007
RichPort
Who do you have to blow in the mn’s room around here to get some blow???
Oct 3rd, 2007
Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver
Why leave when a rock star is going to be staying at the same spa, er “rehabilition” center. That only means more potential for free coke, pills and cheap alcohol in exchange for a little anal in the men’s room. Gotta love being surrounded by enablers who give you the stuff for free.
Oct 3rd, 2007
RichPort
I bet the guy she blew in the men’s room was in there for his sex addiction… I’m just sayin’…
Oct 3rd, 2007
Über¥ank
At the ‘Farm for Bad Headwear’, Lindsy, sporting her tell-tail, psych-ward shoes sans laces, selects a malformed pumpkin not knowing there were better ones to be had. (I smell life metaphor)
Oct 3rd, 2007
orangey glo-han
I am laughing and loving that superhero dream of Brit and Linds with their capes and ‘Fuck You babies’ and ‘reverse-only skeezemobile’…whoever you are, I really appreciate the way your brain works!!!! gimme more!!!
Oct 3rd, 2007
bionic bunny
ah, yes, only the best “re-hab” money can buy for our linds!
the folks that run that place are no dummies. they’ll bleed her bank account dry while looking the other way. i’d love for her to wind up in a REAL rehab.
hey, abby, can the skeezmobile have a canon that shoots cheetos at their mortal enemies? it would be cool, like clown cars and confetti. and some sort of special vodka dispenser so they wouldn’t have to stop at the mini-mart as often.
Oct 3rd, 2007
marius
LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE
Oct 3rd, 2007
Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver
The skeezemobile will also be able to ejactulate KFC grease from rear (oops) front as they tell the the cops to f-off when they are being filmed for the next LA car chase to be seen on tv.
Oct 3rd, 2007
marius
shut up gay driver
Oct 3rd, 2007
Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver
pull my stick shift out of you mouth mariass so i can understand you.
Oct 3rd, 2007
marius
go fuck the retard guy on the back of the bus end shut up
Oct 4th, 2007
RichPort
EEEWWWWWWW! Someone left a spent condom on the comment right above me!
GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!!!!!
Oct 4th, 2007
marius
you are groooooooooooooooooooooooss richport
Oct 4th, 2007
RichPort
Now an AIDS infected needle!
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccck
Oh… marius… I’m sorry, that’s you…
Oct 4th, 2007
scarpetta
Never hold the pumpkin from the stem, for goodness sakes, doesn’t she ever read Martha Fucking Stewart?
Oct 4th, 2007
celebretard
This is really sad. She has been in rehab for months. and nothing has worked. Her FriendSpaceBook Profile is too funny. Has anyone else seen it.! http://www.friendspacebook.com/LindsayLohan
Oct 4th, 2007
Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver
Mariass, your protective helmet was found… I know it’s yours because it has your name on… “Needle Dick.” It looks pretty expensive, especially being made by fashion icon Trojan.
Oct 4th, 2007
marius
very funny motherfucker
Oct 4th, 2007
liah
give me some?
Oct 5th, 2007
RichPort
Do you blow your Rottweiler with that foul fucking mouth of yours marius? Howzabout some class, bitch!
Oct 5th, 2007
marius
ok bitch
Oct 5th, 2007
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