Oct 18, 2007

Jessica Biel Minus Makeup Equals UGLY

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I don’t usually go around telling people about this, because it freaks them out and makes them worried I can read their thoughts and stuff, but, here goes… I’m psychotic. Yes. I can see the future and also read minds a little. Kinda like that old guy with the beard who predicted a lot of the stuff you see in the Enquirer. Notre Dame or something. Anyway, just to prove it to you, indulge me this — first, cover your eyes with your hands. Clear you mind of all distractions. Center yourself. Good. Now open your eyes and stare directly into Jessica Biel’s face and say the first thing that comes to your mind. You said either:

1. Tennessee cave salamander

2. Burn victim or

3. This thing whose name I can’t remember.

I’m getting a little interference there… something about “boobs.” Goddammit, I told you to clear your minds. How am I gonna get it right when you’re thinking “boobs” and “two lines means ‘not pregnant,’ right?” all the time? I guess I can’t expect those without the gift to fully appreciate my powers. Philistines.

More sightless amphibian-ness after the jump

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18 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. TINANo Gravatar

    I don’t think she’s ugly but she’s doesn’t look great without makeup. She looks decent and average like the girl next to her. Nothing special.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  2. Otto the Short Yellow Bus DriverNo Gravatar

    I thought this rare species the jessicas bielisticu was put on the endangered species d-list, its natural habitat is Hollyweird, where many of its kind are dying out due to the lack of acting skills.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  3. BarbadoSlimNo Gravatar

    I’ll take one for the team.

    Get me Pink’s dick…STAT!

    Oct 18th, 2007

  4. abbyNo Gravatar

    She’s got the Meryl Streep sinus eyes. Lashless, like a fish, and watery, like an old person with glaucoma.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  5. Otto the Short Yellow Bus DriverNo Gravatar

    Sorry Slim… after seeing the picture posted of her playing a game of grab-ass with her dyke friend in front of her merlin at a Packers’ game, I think the only dick she like’s is made out of hard rubber and straps on, which explains the lack of face protection– er makeup.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  6. GweiloNo Gravatar

    Last pic: “I want YOU to find me an Avon lady”

    Oct 18th, 2007

  7. DragulfNo Gravatar

    Otto, just tell her it’s a strap on m8. She won’t know the difference with the lights off. At least, she never did…

    Oct 18th, 2007

  8. LindsayNo Gravatar

    Yeah I agree that she isn’t ugly, just not as pretty as u would have thought she would have been!

    Is it just me, or does her nose look fake?? Especially in the first picture, it looks like its pointing up like michael jackson’s nose!! Her nose really gets to me. Drives me up the wall.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  9. torkueNo Gravatar

    Oh please, like she needs makeup. I crop all her pictures from the neck down anyway.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  10. kimersNo Gravatar

    I think she looks perfect w/o makeup! She has very pretty skin and really doesn’t need a lot anyway which she never really wears that much even at events. There’s not many gals that can look half as good as her without makeup on. She’s at least got her shit together! She should have more movie rols IMO.

    Oct 19th, 2007

  11. JboNo Gravatar

    A little mascara and lipstick - that’s all she needs. I would kill to have flawless skin like her’s!

    Oct 19th, 2007

  12. joeNo Gravatar

    in the first pic she does look like a white dude with a mullet….but i tell you what all them lips needs is a nice hard dick in between them. i’d let her sit on my face.

    Oct 19th, 2007

  13. RodNo Gravatar

    oh, come on… Where can you see any ugliness in those pics? She’s a true beauty with or without makeup. And I’m not even a fan…

    Oct 20th, 2007

  14. sarahNo Gravatar

    psychotic?…psychic?

    Oct 22nd, 2007

  15. Yazzie_No Gravatar

    Ummmmmmmmmmmmm hello?
    Jessica Biel is really ugly with or without makeup!
    She looks like a pale fish and her nose is just like michael jackson’s!
    Ewwwwwwwww, I don’t know what Justin Timberlake see’s in her! But I guess he has bad taste as he was with Britney!

    Nov 3rd, 2007

  16. OddBillieNo Gravatar

    Looks like Bjorks better looking younger sister. And why is Jack Straw following her (pic 2)?

    Jun 10th, 2008

  17. oppsNo Gravatar

    Ok first of all Biel’s cannot act her way out of a paper bag. Secondly she should put a paper bag over that mug of hers and call it a day until she can get that botched MJ nose job reconstructed. Thirdly, why is anyone paying attention? Kathy Griffen is better looking and has more talent than this betch, and I bet she acts better too. Biel’s is a total D-lister, and the only reason anyone takes a pic of her fugly a$$ is because she’s dating JT. And now she got knocked up alledgedly by him so she will always have a meal ticket. HA. Why to go. Sorry you got no sexy back dating that horse face with a MJ nose!

    Jul 30th, 2008

  18. TiffanyNo Gravatar

    I think she’s pretty. She has a unique look. Do pretty people only come in skinny/blonde/fake boobs? No. Real men like natural beauty and she has it. Jealous much?

    Nov 19th, 2008

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