Oct 22, 2007

Lindsay Lohan Engaged?

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Lindsay Lohan continues along the fast track to sober success with a secret engagement to boyfriend Riley Giles. Co-dependent enablers unite! OK Magazine reports

Radio host JJ Ryan at KFRX radio in Nebraska says snowboarder Riley Giles [told him] that he’s engaged to girlfriend Lindsay Lohan. JJ then claims that Lindsay and Riley got engaged at the Utah resort the actress stayed at after she first exited rehab. JJ tells OK! that it was Riley himself who revealed he was engaged.

If that doesn’t say “lifelong commitment” right there, I don’t know what does. I predict Lindsay and Riley will bask in decades of stability and sound accountant-like union. See, they’ve got more than half of the ten most important foundations for a successful marriage in their pockets already, so the marital éclat’s pretty much a done deal. What are the ten most important foundations for a successful marriage? I’m glad you asked.

TOP TEN FOUNDATIONS FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

10. Being 21 or younger on the day of your wedding

9. Being blackmailed into it by an evil mastermind intent on destroying the world

8. Meeting your future spouse in rehab

7. Cheating on your former fiancée with your current fiancée

6. Getting pregnant

5. Lying about getting pregnant

4. Mutual hatred of any ethnic group

3. Compatible STD’s

2. Pre-arranged by your Indian parents for 35 rupees and a dairy cow

and the number one, most important foundation for a successful marriage:

1. All anal, all the time

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9 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. RichPort

    So Abby, regarding #1… looking for a well hung husband? I mean, someone else’s of course, it’s not like my wife’s gonna just GIVE me up… but I’m great fun at parties and I make a lady’s legs twitch like those Riverdance motherfuckers…

    Oct 22nd, 2007

  2. abby

    All that time I thought I was having a seizure! You rogue, you.

    Oct 22nd, 2007

  3. open mouth jones

    Maybe a boy will help me out here… is anal SO great that you’ll willingly give up the vaj all the time just to do it in the shute? Why? I mean, poo come out of there.
    I guess the same could be said for any Taco Bell/Starbucks in LA, but still.

    Oct 22nd, 2007

  4. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    To bad the one getting anal all the time will little Riley, because you know Lilo’s beaver is being pet by Sam Ron. She just needs a “boyfriend” for her revamped public image prior to court. After court,Riley will be left behind Il Sole after the breakup wimpering in a fetal position next to the back alley dumpster taking it brokeback from a X-17 photog for a dime bag of crack, while Ms. Priss runs off to suck the soul out of another loser.

    Oct 22nd, 2007

  5. open mouth jones

    Where’s that butt-lover marius when you need an honest opinion about the joys of anal?
    yoooohooo- marius? your new copy of the parent trap just came in.

    Oct 23rd, 2007

  6. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    Mariass is probably busy playing his rusty trombone.

    Oct 23rd, 2007

  7. Axeldee

    THEY LOOK GREAT TOGETHER…2 UGLY FELLAS

    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2288032

    Oct 24th, 2007

  8. marius

    shut up otto driver

    Oct 24th, 2007

  9. marius

    im right here asshole

    Oct 24th, 2007

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