Britney Spears’ former assistant claims that Britney’s emotional breakdown is actually the result of K-Fed’s on-going schemes and machinations to gain access to more child support money. According to the Daily Mail

Federline was jealous of his wife’s stardom, which he feared drew attention away from his faltering attempts to launch a hip-hop career. He allegedly took advantage of her volatile temper after the pair had a Halloween 2006 argument. Four days later, she announced that she was petitioning to end their two-year marriage. She told [former hair dresser Kalie] Machado this was an attempt to demonstrate her anger to Federline [but that] she had no desire to go through with a divorce. However, [Kevin] refused to take her back. “She stood up for herself and it kind of backfired. (It) was what Kevin really wanted,” Machado said.

The rejection caused her to spiral out of control and sink into a depression — all part of Kevin’s carefully orchestrated master plan:

Last Christmas, Britney fell into a black depression. She hung her wedding dress up in her Malibu bedroom and kept framed photos of her and Federline all over the house. Machado insists she never saw her abuse drugs, but adds, “She did drink heavily and became a binge eater. [She was] convinced that she was losing her looks. She had extensions in her hair and she hated them,” - but she refused to allow professionals to take them out. Filled with self-loathing, “She didn’t want people touching her any more,” [so she shaved them off herself].”

Kevin Federline, evil mastermind? Yeah, right. This is the guy that penned “Popozao” and actually showed up to court in an eye patch. The only thing he could mastermind is a number 6 combo at the Taco Bell and maybe the best way to roll a blunt. On the other hand, tricking Britney Spears can’t be that hard. She doesn’t exactly play her cards close to her chest, if you know what I mean. It’s more like she hold them out at arms’ length, jumps up and down waving them around in between gulps of vodka, flashes her beaver, flops out a nip, bawls inconsolably, and then thrusts them in your face screaming “Insecure! I’m insecure! Right here! On the card! See? It says ‘Completely fucking insecure!’” and then she hurls them in your lap and throws up on your shoes. It’s like putting a sign on a disoriented bear that says “poke here really hard.”

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