Nov 6, 2007

Kick Heather Mills While She’s Down

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The former Mrs. Paul McCartney went on the offensive last week, hitting up both British and American television morning shows in an attempt to discredit “The Sun” and bash her ex-husband while comparing herself to Princess Diana. Her stepdaughter, fashion designer Stella McCartney, wasn’t one to take this one lying down. Page Six says

Stella McCartney is fighting back against her evil ex-stepmonster, Heather Mills. Last week, Mills told “Extra” that Stella did some “evil, evil things. She scraped my face out of a photo.” Now the fashion designer has created a jewelry line, and her first effort is a necklace featuring a single-leg pendant. The bauble costs $500 - a lot less than the $100 million Mills is looking to get from Paul.

Um… burn? I don’t know. Maybe Stella should have gone with a “Heather Mills is a dirty gold-digging cunt whore” written in gothic lettering necklace instead. Or maybe instead of a single leg, the pendant could have been Heather Mills’ face with the tongue hanging out and X’s where the eyes should be. Or a penis where the mouth should be. Maybe just the testicles. A vagina made entirely of dollars signs? Something that says (horribly NSFW) this, but with subtlety. Believe you me, encapsulating “what’s left of one’s dignity” in precious metals without being overt and cliché is no simple task. And if you think that’s hard, well, then, you should try animating it with interpretative dance! I’ve got almost no dignity at all, and so far all I’ve got is a couple of plies and a three-point crab walk followed by the sprinkler. I think I just need a little more time.

Heather not doing German porn with her daughter in August:

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13 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. DragulfNo Gravatar

    What is sad is my mom knows who this bitch is… I told mom she is a nasty skank that needs her foot shoved up her ass. Either.

    Nov 6th, 2007

  2. RichPortNo Gravatar

    Isn’t her name Eileen?

    Nov 6th, 2007

  3. open mouth jonesNo Gravatar

    I love how when Beatrice grows up she’ll be able to channel Cartman and the whole german sheisse film debacle. That’ll be an awkward mom-daughter convo; “Hey Ma, why is that man taking a dump on your tits?”
    I love our world sometimes.

    Nov 6th, 2007

  4. abbyNo Gravatar

    You know that song “Come on Eileen?” I can never hear it without instantly singing, “Won’t you show me your bean?” That doesn’t even make any sense. I can’t control it, though. It’s like a nervous tic.

    Nov 6th, 2007

  5. agitaNo Gravatar

    She can kick herself with her stump, Mrs. McGoldigger

    Nov 6th, 2007

  6. agitaNo Gravatar

    Oh yeah and since I have no life
    Come on Eileen,
    I swear (well he means) At this moment you mean everything,
    With you in that dress my thoughts I confess verge on dirty
    Ah come on Eileen.

    Nov 6th, 2007

  7. open mouth jonesNo Gravatar

    The photo accompanying this article reminded me of something my not so significant other once said about an ugly chick; “She was a horse-faced woman to which I replied NAY!”
    Why couldn’t Paul have done the same- granted he’d be out a daughter, but you can buy one of those in any trendy third world country these days.

    Nov 6th, 2007

  8. NookenNo Gravatar

    Erm…. what am I missing in the “horribly NSFW” photo? It is of two guys with a chick who looks like Salma Hayek beaten up… I’m confused. I like to run the gaunlet at work with NSFW and that picture won’t get me fired…

    Nov 6th, 2007

  9. misheleNo Gravatar

    What’s a picture of the actors from “NCIS” doing in this story” You’re confusing me. . .

    Nov 6th, 2007

  10. abbyNo Gravatar

    I meant “Heather Mills’ hair.” Duh. Not the tits or the little hat on the guy’s wiener. I don’t know about your job, but the guys at Merrill Lynch aren’t too keen on bad perms and penile haberdashery. I don’t work there. That’s just what I hear from the night time janitorial staff. Those guys always have tiny hats on their wieners.

    Nov 6th, 2007

  11. AxeldeeNo Gravatar

    2 WORDS: BLONDE MONKEY

    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2298228

    Nov 7th, 2007

  12. LindsayNo Gravatar

    Um, yeah, the picture link didn’t work for me either.

    Nov 7th, 2007

  13. Just MeNo Gravatar

    She only wanted his money. What a shame for a blonde :) http://www.spymac.com/details?2295014

    Nov 8th, 2007

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