Now that he’s got Britney covering most of his legal bills, K-Fed plans on dragging her back to court today — with any luck, still in his eyepatch. Yarrrgh! TMZ says

Sources say K-Fed’s lawyer will go before L.A. County Commissioner Scott Gordon tomorrow morning, arguing that Britney has failed to respond in a timely manner when she is called for random drug testing. We’re told Kaplan will ask to modify the existing custody order giving Britney limited visitation rights. We’re told this could be a real dogfight.

Britney’s lawyers will probably argue that she’s just mentally unstable and mired in the zitty swamps of depression. According to Us Weekly

Sources blame her bizarre public behavior (swapping clothes with a stranger, among her recent moves) on psychological issues, not drugs. “It’s not substance abuse — it’s mental!” a confidante [says]. Pals suspect adult-onset ADD or depression, with one friend saying, “Postpartum has always been a problem” after giving birth to Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.

Maybe she just likes to have a good time. In other people’s clothes. Did you even consider that? Jesus, when did people start to get so pushy? I know here lately I can’t have a good time without local law enforcement showing up and yanking the cord right right when I’m at the best part of “Southern Cross.” “I have my ship, and all her flags are a-flyin’ — she is all that I have left, and music is her NAAAAME (bah bah bah think about) Think about how many times I have FAA-hall-len — Spirits are using me, cut your hmm-hmm CALL-hall-len. Bleh blehblehbleh cannot be forgoh-hot-ten… I HAVE BEEN AROU-HOW-HOUND —” and then the electric shriek of a microphone suddenly silenced by a cop tapping his knight stick against the palm of his hand. Probably not the best time to throw up. But is there ever a “good time” to throw up? That’s what you call a “rhetorical question,” which from my experience means “Don’t you dare answer with some smart-ass ‘rhetort’ unless you want a spine full of taser and your cuffs tightened.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Enjoy much fitter version of Britney being forced into rehab in Duran Duran’s “Falling Down.”

Britney chandelier shopping, because if there’s one thing a compulsive overeater with a meth habit needs, it’s a chandelier:

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