Britney Spears Reads Yeeeah!
Tags: Britney Spears
Britney Spears is hellbent on returning to her former glory, and since meth and binge drinking aren’t working out, she’s decided to go the surgery route. According to OK! Magazine
So what’s Brit-Brit’s attack plan for being beautiful? A little bit of nipping here and tucking there, says the friend. She already underwent lip enhancement and forehead Botox on Oct. 18. On her checklist: liposuction ($18,000); a breast lift ($25,000); a mini tummy tuck ($18,000); and work on her nose ($20,000). Should Brit go ahead with the surgery, this will reportedly be her second nose job and the third time she’s had breast work done.
What could have inspired her to overhaul her post-baby body with such drastic measures? Why, this site, of course!
“She’s always worrying about what she looks like,” one friend of the “Toxic” songtress reveals to OK!. “She checks pictures of herself on the Internet every night and criticizes every single one.”
Interestingly, a “Louisa” (short for “Louisiana,” her home state, perhaps?) left the following comment on a Britney post several weeks ago:
Im sick of hearing about what Britney is doing wrong. She is a human being no different then anyone else. So many parents are doing worse things to their kids and no one does a thing. And for the lady who said she would put her family members into the system. Wait untill that child dies or is abused or raped, and then maybe you will get off your high horse. Im so sick of people putting down others for making mistakes. No one is perfect, not even stars. Maybe Britney would actually listen if people werent so damn judgemental. And here is what I want to know, how come K-Fed looks so god damned strung out all the time, and he isnt getting tested. All the pictures in the magizines are of him at a bar or a club. If he has main custody of the kids then why arent there many pictures of him and who the hell is watching the kids at night. He is doing the same shit Britney is/was doing, the only reason she is getting all this hell is because no one wants to stand up to the asshole. Fucking double standards.
If that doesn’t stink of Britney Jean Spears, I don’t know what does. The grammar, the spelling, the general misdirected indignation — it’s got her name all over it. All it’s missing are the Cheeto stains and a little dribbled margarita. It might as well be written on embossed letterhead watermarked with her picture. Which means, in a roundabout way, that my job now has purpose and meaning. Besides “neurosurgeon” and “Jack Bauer’s pants,” has a nobler profession ever been than “celebrity gossip blogger?” I finally know what the good people at the Make a Wish Foundation are talking about when they blather on about their jobs being so worthwhile. And boy, does it feel good!
Britney house-hunting with some jerkoff she picked up at the gas station:
12 Comments, Comment or Ping
p0nk
Why is she looking to buy a house in Tiajuana? Xrist, if she’d take off the sunglasses and wear a backwards baseball cap, you’d never be able to distinguish her from the other morons surrounding her…well ok, somebody would still have to help her dress herself, but still…
Dec 6th, 2007
abby
I like how she has to keep lifting her glasses to actually see. It reminds me of a cheesy double take in a David Lee Roth video.
Dec 6th, 2007
p0nk
bwahahaha, now i’m having visions of Britney doing that same video. that’s some scary shit.
Dec 6th, 2007
open mouth jones
Dear Ms. Britney Spears,
The proper way to end ones life is to slice ones wrist in an up and down motion (from wrist toward elbow, yes, that’s the bendy thing on your arm), whilst laying in a bath tub. Preferably filled with battery acid. Add a few dozen valium, topped off with a gallon of cheap-ass potato vodka and likely you won’t wake up ever again.
Please follow these instructions very carefully, and give us all the Christmas present we REALLY want.
xoxo
PS. You’re so fat other fatties are sucked into orbit by the sheer gravitational pull emitted by your giant ham hock thighs. I’m not even going to mention what was once your abs.
PPS. You’re so ugly you make small children weep in terror. But then, you already found that one out, now didn’t you?
Dec 6th, 2007
supes
OMJ, you beat me to the suicide instructions.
Oh well, Britney if you are reading this, you might also want to get hairplugs to resotre your rapidly receding hairline, and for fuck sakes get those mongloid ears fixed they are fucking hideous.
Dec 6th, 2007
Dragulf
Lick Cheetos dust from the bag BITCH! Liposuction won’t help moron. Ya can’t “cure” stupid.
Dec 6th, 2007
RichPort
Britney, since you’re reading this, why come you don’t call me? I lefted you my number… well I wroted it backwards on your forehead that one time in da club when you was doing blow off my cock in the men’s room stall, but still, who forgets that?
Dec 6th, 2007
p0nk
rich, obviously she hasn’t looked in a mirror for quite a while.
Dec 6th, 2007
bionic bunny
don’t forget, dem chillin’s o’ yourn taste just lak chikkin’, yawl. iffins yawl cook em raht, that iz.
Dec 6th, 2007
TheLostGirl
SHE. CAN. READ!…???????????
Dec 6th, 2007
agita
Dear Hamhocks! Get HELP NOW, you can’t find love in a Cheetos bag, it didn’t work for me!
Dec 6th, 2007
RichPort
Good point p0nk. But her mouth did feel like a vagina. Meaning, it was bleeding. Maybe I shouldn’t have punched her first… but she sure did look silly with that tampon string dangling by her chin! We laughed and laughed…
Dec 7th, 2007
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