Every now and then you wake up without an impending sense of dread in the pit of your stomach or dried whiskey vomit in your hair and think to yourself, “Today is going to be a good day. I can just feel it.” Well, today is one of those days, my friends. And I have TMZ to thank for it:

Our sources say Britney said she was on Adderall, a stimulant used to treat Attention Deficit Disorder, and was taking up to ten laxatives a day. Cameras caught Spears a few days ago picking up a bagful of laxatives.

Ten laxatives a day. My goodness. That’s a lot of pooping. All I can think of is that scene from Dumb and Dumber with Jeff Daniels akimbo on the toilet, cross-eyed and sputtering as he clutches the rim of the crapper for dear life. Only then I imagine him in a slightly askew pink wig and enormous sunglasses with a Yorkie in a headlock and a cigarette bouncing between his lips as he squeaks out “Oh, beastly lot! Bugger and blast! Sod it all! Pip pip cheerio!” and then a forceful bloooosh and a chorus of high-pitched farts. God, it gets funnier every time. Extra funny if you can imagine “Oops I Did It Again” playing in the background the whole time she’s spray-painting the inside of the toilet.

Britney stocking up on Correctal:

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