Paula Abdul Drunk on Letterman

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American Idol judge Paula Abdul rambled incoherently and swayed in her seat in typical drunk-chick fashion during her interview with David Letterman Monday night (urinetastic highlights above). Showbiz Spy recaps

Letterman got a dirty look and a firm “No” from a finger-wagging Paula when he asked her: “Are you drunk?” Paula was holding hands with an uneasy-looking Letterman when the show returned from a commercial break.

Paula did the right thing in this situation. Believe me, if there’s one thing personal experience has taught me, it’s never answer the question “Are you drunk?” honestly. Same goes for “Are you high?” “Are you naked?” and “Are you afraid of Virginia Woolf?” It’s best to just say “I find most people are afraid of living life without illusion. Pretense is the teat from which the masses suckle!” Then march away indignantly and hope they don’t notice your bare ass or all the vomit. It’s gotten me out of more jams than I can count.

Paula arriving at The Late Show with Monkees-themed mullet:

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9 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. sonya

    Mm, I don’t know that she was drunk…I just think her synapses just fire at a slower rate.

  2. Captain-Insano

    Agreed. She wasn’t drunk, her brain has just been rendered useless from years of drug and alcohol abuse. Also, she is fucking batshit insane.

  3. abby

    Nothing she says is funny. It’s like reading The Superficial here lately.

  4. open mouth jones

    BURN!
    [wagging finger at abby]

  5. Hee!!
    Yeah. It’s like when people are perma-stoned. She is going to be this way for the rest of her life. They should trot her out to high schools as a cautionary tale.

  6. bionic bunny

    the ‘fish still exists?

    other things to say no to:

    “would you like a free ‘personality test’?”
    “i’d like to send you one million dollars. please cash this check for $5000 and return it to me to cover the taxes and legal fees.”
    “please visit my bi-racial and millionaire dating sites to see video of (insert name here)”

  7. abby

    Well played, Bunny!

  8. Joan of Spark

    I’ve seen her worse. But agree, this condition is permanent. If she applied for Social Security Disability, she’d get it. American Idol does the taxpayers a service by employing her and they probably keep America safe too. Can you imagine Paula teaching the youth of tomorrow, pawing the little boys and crushing the self-esteem of all the blond pretty little girls? Letting her think that she’s significant on American Idol saves lives.

  9. hahaha… yeah there are definetly worse videos of her, but i agree… she is on something!

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