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Amy “Receding Gums” Winehouse is facing up to six months’ jail and a $4,000 fine for allegedly assaulting two men while bar-hopping in Camden. Well, not so much hopping as “staggering” and “stumbling.” London’s The Sun says

The junkie singer, 24… headbutted a Good Samaritan who hailed her a cab outside a bar… [and] punched Moroccan musician Mustapha el Mounmi [in the face] after he refused to give way to her at the pool table. The married singer also [made out with] a mystery fella and [overturned] tables and drinks.

She was later seen smoking drugs in the street and walked into a lamppost.

She’s like some wonderful beehived amalgamation of the Tasmanian devil and Nick Nolte come to life, isn’t she? I sort of imagine her whirling and snarling and flailing everywhere she goes, leaving a trail of broken bottles and overturned tables in her wake. And then a lot of indecipherable blathering that occasionally gives way to a projectile vomit or two, like “Sod off, you bloody bug — BLAAAAARGH!” and then a lot of splattering and bystanders screaming and running for their lives.



5 Responses to “Amy Winehouse Faces Assault Charges”  

  1. 1 open mouth jones

    Amy’s face is an assualt. Seriously, that’s what I though the head line was at first.
    My god wench, use some of that drug money on your face. Gee-zues! Do something- anything! Just spare the rest of us, please, I’ll be good, I promise. Just don’t hurt me.

  2. 2 sonya

    I think that’s the face you see in the mirror when you say, “Bloody Mary” 3 times.

  3. 3 nordo

    She should keep her nose in the hay bag, it’s so much better that way.

  4. 4 Ronnie

    What a huge, huge waste.

  5. 5 wednesday

    She’s a despicable manipulator and unsanitary.

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