Jamie Lynn Spears Has A Baby Shower
Tags: baby shower, Britney Spears, jamie-lynn spears, pregnant
Big sis Britney Spears flew home to Louisiana to attend a baby shower for Jamie Lynn Spears on Saturday. It was — as expected — a high-falutin, super-classy affair, with lots of clouds of carbon monoxide and chemical additives courtesy of Britney. People Magazine reports
About 30 guests were invited to Kentwood for a ladies-only, catered celebration for the 17-year-old at the family’s Serenity mansion. Mom Lynne and fiancé Casey Aldridge’s mother lent a hand. “We all sat in a circle and she opened gifts and thanked every person. It was just a good old fashioned baby shower.
The talk of the shower, though, was Britney’s gift. Her gift came without boxes or bows. It was a gift of the heart, handwritten on notebook paper held together with Scotch tape. I proudly present to you “Britney Spears’ Top Ten New Mama Tips For Jamie Lynn.” Enjoy.
10. Don’t titty-feed or your nipples’ll get as big as fuckin dinner plates
9. If’n you lay ‘em on their bellies, you don’t have ta hear ‘em holler so much
8. Formula ain’t the same as heavy whippin cream, so don’t never use it on pie
7. Ya can smoke while you’re feedin ‘em as long as ya point yer cigarette the other way
6. Tin foil makes a good toy cuz it’s cheap an shiny and the little ‘uns like shiny
5. Don’t NEVER micrawave babies. Just use a towel.
4. If’n it shits in the crib, you can put them in a dog carrier until the housekeepers git there
3. Babies can’t breathe underwater like they do in the movies
2. Only drive with ‘em in yer lap if’n there’s no one around to take yer pitcher
and the number one piece of advice from big sis Britney:
1. Don’t never hold ‘em hostage when it’s time to hand ‘em over to your ex-husband
13 Comments, Comment or Ping
mark12212
She is a nice baby. But I think she is too young to join that celeb dating site Richromances.com where beautiful people and wealthy guys are looking for romances.
Also, she is too young to have a baby.
May 5th, 2008
RichPort
Maybe that’ll encourage Jamie Lynn to take a shower… I know it’s culturally anathema to people from Weezyana, but it’ll do the rest of us some good.
May 5th, 2008
nordo
What? no pickup bbq? WTF?
May 5th, 2008
bionic bunny
naw, thar’s a big ol’ pot o’ gumbo file’ on th stove, nordo! this IS looosianna, ‘member?
May 5th, 2008
sonya
Oh nice. Did you notice her smoking in that picture up there?
May 5th, 2008
nordo
Oh, thanks for clearing that up bb…gumbo with a side of dat dere tabacca
May 5th, 2008
abby
Fetuses LOVE second hand smoke. It’s the new folic acid.
May 5th, 2008
KRySTAL
iM SiK 0F TH3S3 ARTiCL3z 3V3N WH3N iTz AB0Ut A B3AUTiFUL THiNq B3iN B0RN 0F JAMi3 LyNN Y00h StiLL HAV3 T0 CRiTiCiZ3 H3R Biq SiST3r BRiTTANy S3Ri0USLy KANt Y00h GUyz 3V3R L3AV3 H3R AL0N3..? i KN0 iF i W3R3 H3R i WUd WANt MY SPAC3… TH3R3z A MiLLi0N P30PL3 WH0 D0 WR0Nq iN THiz W0RLd N Y00h HAV3 T0 TAk3 iT 0Ut 0N TH3M H0W WUd Y00h F33L iF P30PL3 G0t ALL TH3 DiRt 0N Y00h ANd W0ULdNt L3AV3 Y00h AL0N3 iTz 0Ld iTz D0N3 WiTH iM SiK 0F Y00h GUyz MAKiN FUN 0F BRiTTANy iN CHRiS CR0CK3Rz W0Rdz “L3AV3 BRiTTANy AL0N3!” ANd G30RG3 L0P3z Y00h S33 M3XiCANz CUt TH3R3 HAiR 3V3RyDAy BUt WH3N iTz AB0Ut S0M30N3 FAM0Uz Y00h GUyz P0St iT 3V3RyWH3R3… i B3t SH3 DiDNt 3V3N WRiT3 THAT N0T3.. iM S0RRy BUt THiz HAz BUGG3d M3H F0R TH3 L0Nq3St TiM3 JUSt l3T H3R B3… SHUR3 W3 ALL HAv3 0Ur CRAZy M0M3Ntz ANd SH3 MAy HAV3 CRAZi3R THAN 0TH3Rz BUt STiLL DR0P iT. >>>KRySTAl<<<
May 5th, 2008
RichPort
Note to “KRySTAL”: Writing that way does not make you cool. Lock yourself in a closet, walk around in circles, and repeat that 3000 times, or until your collapse from exhaustion, whichever comes first.
May 6th, 2008
PaleoLithchick
To RichPort:
Dude, I live in Louisiana. Most of us can’t stand the Spears clan and are horribly embarrassed by them. And we also shower. Regularly. I promise you, there are actually some clean, non-white trash folks here.
I understand your confusion, though. The stank wafting out of Kentwood IS strong enough to fool a person into thinking that it comes from an entire state’s worth of people…
May 6th, 2008
sonya
Krystal, that was quite possibly the douchiest post of all time.
May 6th, 2008
RichPort
Touché PaleoLithchick. I didn’t mean YOU, I meant the OTHER people in Weezyana…
May 6th, 2008
Fillup
Big sis should have taught her to swallow instead, the world would be a better place.
Jun 2nd, 2008
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