Christina Ricci was photographed yesterday looking like she ought to be crouched behind an underground organ in a Paris opera house instead of leaving a Beverly Hills tanning salon. She’s a dead ringer for Lon Chaney’s 1925 Phantom. Luckily, what the original Phantom of the Opera was lacking in purging noises and compulsive exercising, Christina Ricci deftly brings to the table with her index finger and esophageal sphincter!

Unrelated Naomi Campbell crying at her 38th birthday on P. Diddy’s yacht:

After ballooning up a good twenty pounds last year, it looks like Nicky Hilton has hopped on the bulimia band wagon back to Boneysville. How else do you explain those shapely gams of hers? Rawr! Not to mention that you can use her knees to slim jim your car if you’ve locked your keys inside or aerate your lawn in the spring. EDITOR’S NOTE: This would also explain why “giant tool” is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name “Nicky Hilton.”

Bone Fugs in Harmony last Thursday:

Recent photos of Tara Reid looking like she ought to be crouched over a bowl of gruel and crawling with flies have sparked rumors that she could have anorexia. Not so, the “actress” says. She tells OK! Magazine

“I’m not too thin. I go up 10 pounds, I go down 10 pounds. I was thin for a movie that I just finished… What have I ever really done? Dance on a table? Who doesn’t drink with their friends and have a good time? If I have a drink in my hand, it doesn’t make me an alcoholic. If I want a glass of wine, I want a glass of wine!”

Then some emphatic table pounding and frantic breathing and a couple of lower eyelid twitches before she turned the bottle up and polished off its contents in a single gulp. “Besides,” she added as she lit her cigarette, “I eat meat all the time. You know — pant sausage, pork loin, tube steak, one-eyed salami, meat balls and gravy, trouser snake, bologna…”

Tara in Indonesia last month:

Mary-Kate “Fats” Olsen was hospitalized with a kidney infection yesterday. People Magazine reports

The actress entered the emergency room of a New York hospital on Monday. [Rep Nicole Caruso says], “She’s resting comfortably and will be released in the next day or so.”

Incidentally, Somethng Fishy – a website devoted to recognizing the various symptoms of eating disorders — notes

The vitamin deficiencies, dehydration, infection and low blood pressure [associated with anorexia] increase the likelihood of getting a kidney infection. Permanent kidney damage and kidney failure is also more likely to occur as a result of the infection.

Well, who needs kidneys anyways? They were just making her back look all fat. And good luck trying to find a plastic surgeon who’ll take them out for you. It’s all “medical malpractice” this and “wrongful death” that. So this kidney infection is actually a win-win! Dialysis is so this year’s celebrity secret to getting that bikini bod you’ve always deamed of. I bet you never realized your vital organs were holding you back from perfection all this time!

Mary-Kate with sister Ashley at a wedding in Mexico last weekend:

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