Jailed junkie Blake Civil-Fielder is plotting to divorce Amy Winehouse so he can live off the fat of her albums for the rest of his days. At his going rate, that’s about three and a half more years, tops. London’s The Sun reports

He is set to demand at least $6 million as a divorce settlement, telling his lawyers he wants $500,000 for each month of their year-long marriage — despite being in jail for part of it. A friend said: “Blake is convinced that Amy owes him big time. He is telling everyone that he’s got millions coming to him. She’s his meal ticket for life.”

I don’t know who he thinks he’s kidding. One look into those bloodshot eyes and a kiss from those peeling lips and his heart’s going to melt. There’s no resisting the simian way she moves or that trail of little curlies leading down from her navel. It’s like iron trying shed the orbital angular motion of its electrons, and in so doing, shun the beckoning call of the magnetic field. Impossible! But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Amy Winehouse is the sun! Yes, you’ve just entered (dun dun DUN) The Ninth Grade Earth Science and Brit Lit Zone. A dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity, the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, between home ec and study hall. Now all your hall passes will be mine! Mwah hah hah hah ha!

Working her magic in Oxfordshire:

Amy Winehouse’s husband Blake “Hold My Pocket” Fielder-Civil has been kicking around the idea of a divorce, thanks in part to his mommy dearest. Female First says

Blake is under pressure from his mother to sever all ties with Amy. [Amy's dad] said in an interview: “Blake threatened to issue divorce proceedings when they were having a row. Unfortunately, Blake is influenced by things his mother has said. I think [his mother] wants them to divorce, but it’s up to them. From Amy’s point of view, she would stick by him not matter what. But he has said things like, ‘I want a divorce’.”

[His mother] recently said: “Amy’s husband is in jail and she’s cavorting with an old boyfriend [while vacationing in the Caribbean]. What’s she playing at?” A source added: “The Blake and Amy situation is imploding. Blake has been listening to his mother, and he’s been hot and cold with Amy when they do meet.

Blake Fielder-Civil’s career highlights include being a junkie dealer, throwing “wild self-mutilation parties” and guzzling prison hooch, so I can totally see why his mother thinks he’s too good for Amy. If he could just get the leeching off her paychecks out of his system, maybe he could find a nice boy to spend the rest of his life with. Like a white-collar criminal, for example. “Mr. 49 Felony Counts of Fraud and Forgery by an Insurance Professional” could be just around the corner at the next group shower or mandatory delousing. It’s not like romance goes around looking for you, you know. Sometimes you have to go out there in prison yard and find it yourself.

Amy en route to the premiere of “Sweeney Todd” in London: