There was plenty of shockingly awful (see futuristic Tina and Beyonce, above) fug at last night’s Grammys awards show. I find that like stink on a gorilla, fashion disasters seem almost intrinsic to an award show. The more stink, the merrier.

And speaking of stink, let’s start with Nas and girlfriend Kelis, promoting his new album “Nigger” and what’s sure to be a big hit with college-educated African-Americans everywhere — his new fashion line NegroWear!^TM:

Rihanna did her best wounded exotic bird in a ruffled cobalt blue Zac Posen disaster. I see they got the feathers, but for the tar, try Nas’s NegroWear!^TM brand lynchin’ tar:

Miley Cyrus and her devil eyes showed up in a white sequined Celine dress and hair extensions she forgot to curl:

Beyonce donned a hideous beaded tulle Elie Saab gown she probably borrowed from Candyland’s Princess Frostine:

Melissa Joan Hart’s dress is okay; her hair color, lack of makeup and general fatness are not. I know she’s pregnant, but that’s way too much bloat:

Cher came in costume as Goth Cowardly Lion.

Carrie Underwood’s floral Zuhair Murad isn’t great, but it isn’t fabulous, either. It’s the hair helmet that bothers me. It looks like a damn tranny wig:

The Bland and Borings American Music Awards were last night, and I, like you, really don’t give a shit. People magazine regales us with

The American Idol vibe was alive and well at the 35th Annual American Music Awards. Idol alum Carrie Underwood picked up three more trophies… for favorite country album, favorite country female artist and an audience text-in award for favorite artist.

Chris Daughtry, the other nominated Idol, joined his eponymous band Daughtry at the podium three times as they won favorite pop-rock album for Daughtry, as well as breakthrough artist and adult contemporary artist. The night’s other big winners included Akon (soul/R&B male), Rihanna (soul/R&B female), and Justin Timberlake (pop/rock male and soul/R&B album).

Well, I distinctly remember Color Me Badd winning an American Music Award in ‘92. Same goes for Michael Bolton (’93), Kenny G (’94), and Ace of Base (’95). So instead of doling out an American Music Award, you could just hand Carrie Underwood a couple of dog turds laying in a pile of glitter and and call it a day. I’m sure it would mean just as much.

Carrie Underwood:

Kellie Pickler:

Rihanna:

Fergie: