Amy Winehouse was back in full force at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday concert Friday night, but her Glastonbury performance the following day didn’t go quite as swimmingly. When Amy left the stage for the pit during a rendition of “Rehab,” she somehow ended up in a fistfight with a member of the audience. There are several theories as to the impetus behind the attack, including (via The Daily Mail ):
[1.] Crowd members claimed the singer lashed out in response to a derogatory comment about her husband Blake Fielder-Civil, after she spent much of the show making slurring references to ‘my Blakey’.
[2.] Her publicist said she had reacted instinctively when someone tried to pull her trademark beehive hairdo.
[3.] Festival organiser Michael Eavis’s version of events was that the man had made a grab at Miss Winehouse’s breasts.
Or 4) Amy Winehouse is fucking insane. Ding ding ding ding! She actually started off the concert by spitting her gum into the audience, berating their manners when they booed her precious Blake, and later singing “I’m not opening for a cunt like Kanye.”* She’s like the Patches O’Houlihan of live performing. You half expect her to belt out, “Is it ‘necessary’ to punch my fans in the face? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but I do it anyway because it’s sterile and I like the taste!” before pelting the audience with a sackful of wrenches.
Amy Winehouse chose to go shopping for booze instead of showing up for the photocall for the Nelson Mandela concert in which she’s slated to perform tonight. According to the Daily Mail
Despite spending an hour-and-a-half in rehearsals for the Mandela concert [two days earlier], Winehouse was a no-show on Thursday. Instead she visited her husband Blake Fielder-Civil at London’s Pentonville Prison, before stopping off for some Jack Daniels and vodka and a packet of sweets.
Maybe the booze and the candy were an apology gift for her guaranteed-to-be shambolic performance tonight. Always one step ahead, that Amy!
Country singer Tim McGraw spotted some fat bastard assaulting a woman in the front row of his Auburn, Washington concert Tuesday night and took care of business the Tennessee way — grabbing tubby by his belt and hoisting him up onstage so security could forcibly eject him. Tim’s rep tells TMZ
“While Tim was performing last night, he watched a man rush to the front of the stage… [and] attack a female fan. Tim called for security, but when they could not respond quick enough Tim and several crew members removed the fan from the audience.”
Let this be a lesson to you all: you don’t fuck with people from from the South, and you especially don’t fuck with people from Tennessee. A big belt buckle and a cowboy hat are a nice touch, but if it’s fear and respect you want, let your co-workers know you hail from the Volunteer State. Trust me, it’s a lot easier than putting out a couple of cigarettes on your forerm and stabbing the guy from accounting at the company picnic. Gang initiations don’t seem to impress HR nearly as much as they do the Crips and Heather Locklear.
You can tell how hip and down with the young people Madonna is by the way she drank champagne directly from the bottle during a promotional performance in New York City last night. The Daily Mail says
She performed six songs for around 2,000 people at the Roseland Ballroom, at one point stopping to guzzle champagne from the bottle. Madonna spent almost every second of her No. 1 track Four Minutes grinding against Justin Timberlake, despite being well and truly old enough to be his mother.
Then she screamed something like “I take the drugs and do lots of sex and watch the internet all day and night!” Get it? You know, like an old person trying to sound cool? I guess it sorta came out more like a lame Borat impersonation. Almost as lame as I just made this post. Almost.
The Sun is reporting that Amy Winehouse is heading to South Africa for an extended stay in rehab, but Female First says she is already lined up to perform “the world’s most bizarre club” in September.
The troubled singer is set to pocket [$700,000] to sing at the opening night of a Rotterdam, Netherlands… venue powered entirely by human energy. “The energy will come from urine and sweat from the visitors. The club is set in the biggest drugs circuit in Holland. It is so out there it might even shock Amy.”
Shocking Amy Winehouse would be the modern-day equivalent of out-perving Caligula, so that’s really saying something. I can’t think of anything more fun than being at a concert fueled by the secretions of an orgiastic mob injecting heroin directly in their spines and snorting mildew remover between vomits. Maybe sphincter reconstruction or third degree burns.
A douchebag kid hellbent on hijacking a plane and crashing it into a Hannah Montana concert in Louisiana was arrested in Nashville, Tennessee (Woo! Tennessee!) Tuesday night. Fox News reports
The 16-year-old boy was removed from Southwest Airlines Flight 284 Tuesday night by authorities at Nashville International Airport and found with… handcuffs, rope and duct tape in his bag. It has not been determined if the boy was trying to crash the plane… into a “Hannah Montana” concert in Lafayette, Louisiana. The teen is believed to be suicidal.
Bolds said the teen was calm throughout the flight and never made an attempt to hijack the plane but told the FBI after he was apprehended about his original plans to commandeer the aircraft. Authorities searched the teen’s home in California and found a mock cockpit.
“His plan had a low probability of success,” [FBI spokesman] George Bold said.
It’s a real shame. That’s the kind of terrorist movement I could actually get behind. Also anyone willing to purge the airways of “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” and Nickelodeon’s “Drake and Josh.” Justifiable Jihad, baby!
