Celebrity Rehab’s Dr. Drew offers his opinion on the impetus behind celebrities like Tom Cruise joining cultish religions in next month’s issue of Playboy. Page Six quotes him as saying

“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”

Tom Cruise, of course, instantly unleashed his lawyer:

“This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill.”

And it looks like it worked. Dr. Drew, probably fearing for his life now, had his PR flack issue the following statement:

Dr. Drew meant no harm to Mr. Cruise and apologizes if his comments were hurtful. Under no circumstances is Dr. Drew making a blanket diagnosis about Scientology nor Mr. Cruise whom he does not know. Dr. Drew was simply using Mr. Cruise as an example of someone who is recognizable to help the public understand. Again, Dr. Drew meant him no harm.

Jesus, what a puss. If you’re going to say something, stick behind it. Trying to retract a statement is like trying to un-shit a turd. It’s still gonna stink no matter what you do, and it’s just going to be messy for everybody involved. Just ask Bobby Brown if you don’t believe me.

Katie Holmes BEFORE Tom:

Kate Holmes after:

Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty might be Scientology’s latest victim — a “lover” has reportedly introduced him to the lunatic cult. Probably after a night of sharing spiced meats and making love to a frenzy of native drums beneath the beckoning cries of the great eagle spirit. According to London’s The Sun

Pete, 29 has bought a pile of books on the subject since meeting Scientologist DJ Nadine Ruddy. And he has been leaving his Wiltshire mansion to stay at her home in Reading at least once a week. A source said: “Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously. Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it.”

You don’t need to read a pile of books to understand Scientology. Everything you ever need to know about the religion can be summed up in just one book: “Battlefield Earth.” L. Ron Hubbard’s magnum opus is like breathing life into the pencil sketches of alien beasts and scantily-clad otherworld females drawn on the inside of a seventh grade boy’s Trapper Keeper while he’s sitting out of gym class because of his asthma condition. It’s guaranteed vagina-repellent. I heard there was this one guy who read it and then woke up a virgin in his mother’s basement. True fuckin’ story. He spent most of his life building World of Warcraft characters to sell on eBay and later died of severely infected purple nerples.