Not to be outdone by Jessica Simpson in the shitty fake hair department, Paris Hilton has hopped on board the extension express. Nine MSN says

What better person to market a line of tacky hair accessories than extension queen Paris Hilton? The platinum hair-ress has come out with a curious contraption called ‘The Bandit’ - which is essentially a hairband with hair extensions attached to it.

Honest to God, I thought it said “Badger” on the box instead of “Bandit” the first time I saw the picture. But then I realized it was just fake hair inside, and not a Halloween gag silicon replica of Paris Hilton’s vagina like I assumed from the name. Another clue as to the real contents of the box was that the packaging was way too small for a replica of Paris Hilton’s vagina. Something that big and floppy would need to come in an orange crate or maybe a mattress box. See, this is why everyone calls me the “Encyclopedia Brown of the Gossip World.” That and my arch nemesis Bugs Meany and my fair flat rate of 25 cents per day, plus expenses.