Former model Rachel Hunter is one of six D-listers to star in the new NBC show reality show “Celebrity Circus,” in which — you guessed it — stars perform circus stunts for a live studio audience. But there’s something different about Rachel in these pictures. Can you guess what it is? New highlights? A haircut? Forty or so pounds? The Daily Mail says

Rachel Hunter cut a chunkier figure when she appeared on [the show], her sturdier shape barely contained by a corset-style outfit and unflattering fringed miniskirt. The 38-year-old has complained that Celebrity Circus has caused her to gain muscle and made her look bigger, [as evidenced by] her bulging biceps and broad shoulders.

She looks like the East German hammer throwing team’s secret weapon, not a former swimsuit model turned reality star. It still doesn’t explain why her face got fatter, though. Maybe the folks at NBC made her maintain a strict circus diet of peanuts and cotton candy for her role as Bertha, the Lesbian Lumberjack Circus Clown. Rod Stewart sure dodged a bullet on this one!

Real girls eat meat. And — from the looks of Jessica Simpson here — also donuts and Hershey bars and double-potato fritattas. Saddle on up, fatty!

With Tony in LA:

To be sure, a muumuu-style sundress isn’t the best choice for making yourself look slim. But Kirstie Alley’s ankles don’t lie, my friends. Neither do those drive-on scales they use at trucker weigh stations or the load-bearing restrictions printed on the underside of a folding chair.

Meet Britney! She’s one of the few who survived 2007, during which 78 manatees were killed by watercraft and hundreds more by water pollution and direct destruction of their natural habitats. But with the advent of Adopt-A-Manatee, you can do your part to help save Florida’s gentle giants. For only $25 you get:

• A photo of your manatee
• The manatee’s biography
• An adoption certificate
• A signed copy of “Toxic”
• Four newsletters throughout the year with updated reports on your adoptee

Britney needs our help. Let’s all do our part to save the docile sea cows of the Southeastern United States!

Could Britney Spears really be knocked up again? Pictures of Mental Case McGee waddling around L.A. in a velour tracksuit have sprouted yet another crop of pregnancy rumors. The Daily Mail says

She was snapped cradling her swollen-looking stomach on a shopping trip [in L.A. over the weekend]. Dressed casually in tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt, the mother-of-two was seen placing a protective hand over her bulging tummy.

Wow. Just… wow. I think the only way these picture of her could get any sexier is if they were also scratch-and-sniff stickers.

The Daily Mail has pictures of Lisa Marie Presley and husband Michael Lockwood leaving L.A. restaurant Madeo last night. Although that hideous circus tent of a dress is just begging for a wimple or thirteenth-century barbette and crespin, we can’t forget about Kid Rock’s gay cousin up there. When asked for comment, Michael reportedly said “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple” and then broke into an acoustic version of “Don’t Come Around Here No More.”

Large version (pun INTENDED) of the header photos after the jump

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It’s nice to see that Jamie Lynn Spears has finally chinned up. All three of them. When asked for comment, she said, “Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage!” Perhaps multiple chins are the true source of Jedi mind trick immunity.

Singer and daughter of Elvis Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant! Yeah, I don’t care either. According to People Magazine

Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant with her third child and due in the fall. This is the first child for Presley, 40, and her husband, guitarist and music producer Michael Lockwood, 46, who were married in January 2006.

I’d offer my congratulations, but I doubt she’d hear it over all the chewing and labored breathing and grunts of “Where’s my Hossenfeffer, rabbit?”

Kevin Federline spent a little time on the greens in Los Angeles over the weekend. From the looks of it, he also spent a lot of time sweating and clutching his heart in between bites of a double-bacon cheeseburger.

Usually with this kind of embarrassing picture, I’d black bar the face and do a “Name That Celebrity” kind of post so you could guess whose back fat this was. However, the gigantic ass looming there beneath the bra sausage instantly gives it away, so there’s no sense in doing that. Really, the only was it could be any more obvious that it’s Kim Kardashian is if the picture were flanked by a couple of big black penises and they were all taking turns urinating on it. Because she’s a slut who likes getting peed on by black guys, you see.

Sausage Links shopping on Robertson Boulevard on Tuesday:

After working for Jenny Craig for the last three years, actress Kirstie Alley is “stepping down” as the spokesperson for the weight loss company. Translation: her fat ass got fired. According to People magazine

“Although Kirstie will not appear in future advertising endeavors for us, she does remain on Jenny Craig’s maintenance program and is confident that our program has helped her,” [says the] vice-president of marketing for Jenny Craig. “She’s proud to have been able to participate in the creation of Jenny’s award-winning advertising campaign, and says she’s thankful for the opportunity to help so many other people lose weight and keep it off.”

She’s also grateful for KFC’s big box variety meal and Sam’s Club bucket o’ bread pudding. And those Fresh Bath-Bathing Wipes for those days you’re too fat to bend over in the shower.

All that waddling around in Pacific ocean can really make a girl hungry! As, apparently, can “sitting down.” Also the color blue. The phases of the moon. The number seven. Driftwood. Vernacular architecture. Pretty much anything, really. All Jennifer Love Hewitt’s missing are the googly eyes and a good “Me love da letter of de day! Mrrmhmu mumm mmhrmm rmm rrrgh!” before the plate is made to suffer the same unfortunate fate as the letter Q.