I sort of imagine Amy Winehouse’s morning routine to be like the Disney version of Cinderella’s. Only instead of songbirds birds tying her apron strings while costumed mice slide on her slippers, you’d have a four or five beavers arranging her hair and a retarded monkey holding a makeup gun at point blank range.

A dream is a wish your heart makes:

There’s something different about Suri Cruise! Can you guess what it is? Hint: it’s not new batteries. Nine MSN says

The two-year-old, out and about with parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, sported a decidedly lighter mop in Manhattan yesterday. [Has she been subjected] to highlights at age two? [Or did] some fun in the sun [result] in her sun-kissed new locks?

Hair lightened by the sun gets lighter along the hairline and crown, not a uniform three-shades-lighter color all over. Not to mention that Suri hasn’t been photographed outside since her second birthday. You don’t go from “Swiper, No Swiping Mocha” to “L. Ron Hubbard Chai Latte” without the aid of ammonia and peroxide. Unless you upgraded your old Suri to the newer 270-degree swivel action model with character-dedicated accessories and multiple points of articulation. Then the new hair color makes total sense.

Looking as good as Paula Abdul doesn’t come easy. In fact, perfecting the Abdullian visage requires nearly a third of your entire day and the steady troweling hand of a brickmason. MSNBC says

One makeup artist who very recently worked with Abdul said that it routinely takes as long as four hours before she’s satisfied with her hair and makeup. “Getting her out of the house is a major effort,” said the source. “It… [gets] in the way of real life.”

And real life is something Paula hasn’t been acquainted with for years now, so of course that’s not a problem. But for the readers at home who want to achieve Paula’s dramatic look and haven’t the four extra hours or a team of professionals to spare, allow me to suggest downing a liter of gin and turning one of those Homer Simpson-style makeup guns on yourself at point-blank range. Add extensions, mist with hairspray, mist with hairspray, mist with hairspray, and voilà! — drag queen glamor is all your own.

Paula at “Idol Gives Back” earlier this week:

You didn’t think I’d let you go all day without another Britney update, did you? Ho, ho. Let’s not be silly. Today’s Daily Britney is all about her new fabulous ‘do, courtesy of celebrity colorist Kim Vo. People says

Vo arrived at her Beverly Hills home on Thursday afternoon – the day after her early release from UCLA’s psych ward – and worked with the troubled pop star for four hours in a spare bathroom.

Finding her scalp and hair in great shape – and “her skin is glowing, like a young girls,” says Vo – he streaked her dark brown locks with a caramel color. “We wanted to brighten it up a bit. She’s ready for something new,” he says.

“Brightening it up a bit” must be stylist speak for “scabby patches of visible scalp, like mange on an Irish Setter.” Note to self: no more hair cuts at Pet Smart.

Britney and her new hair “glowing” outside of Millennium Dance Studio this weekend:

Katie “Kate” Holmes debuted a new heavily-banged bob at the 59th annual Bambi Awards in Dusseldorf yesterday, apparently inspired by Elizabeth Taylor’s Cleopatra and the early 15th-century Sallet helmets worn during the War of the Roses. This new haircut supposedly rockets Katie straight to the coveted heights of Hollywood fashion iconicity, but I don’t really get it. Down’s Syndrome has had the market cornered on that haircut for years now, and nobody ever called them “the new Jackie O.”