Britney Spears met up with ex-husband Kevin Federline in court yesterday for her first custody hearing in over three months. This one went decidedly better than the last one, in that she didn’t show up five hours late and talking in a British accent. TMZ says

Brit will get three days of supervised visitation per week… [and] she will also have overnight visitation within a month. The goal is to ramp it up over the next few months so that Brit gets 50/50 custody [again].

Good for her. It looks like she’s finally learned her lesson. Like she said on the way out of the courthouse, “Making the decision to have a child - it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” No, wait — that’s not right… I think it was Elizabeth Stone who said that. My mistake. Britney actually said, “Dammit, SP, I dun tole ya ta quit touchin’ Mama’s smokes with them grubby little fingers a yers. I sed QUIT!” Ah, the mother-child bond! It brings a tear to the eye.

At Bally Total Fitness yesterday:

Those supervised visits with mommy apparently register as “terrifying” on the toddler distress scale, because Britney’s boys have been having nightmares ever since she came back into their lives. According to Page Six

Sean Preston has been sleeping in the same room as father Kevin Federline lately because he’s been having nightmares. Preston also cried for his dad at first when Britney picked them up. The boys are said to be confused when it comes to their mom, which is another reason why either Jamie Spears or a psychologist is present during the visits.

I’d say “confused” is an understatement. You can’t expect a kid to just black out the night mommy was strapped to a stretcher and hauled away. The wail of the sirens; the flashing blue lights; the steady drone of the choppers circling overhead while mommy screams from inside the bathroom — it’s practically Viet fucking Nam, for Chrissakes. Only instead of the man in the black pajamas, it’s a fat chick in a pink wig and British accent. That’s got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder written all over it.

Britney shopping on Robertson Blvd Tuesday:

After nearly two months without seeing her children, Britney Spears was finally reunited with her sons on Saturday. People Magazine reports

After lawyers for Spears and Kevin Federline reached a visitation agreement Friday, the pop star saw her children for the first time since Jan. 3. Sources confirm that Jamie and Britney’s psychiatrist were present for the visit.

The last time they saw mommy she had one of them locked in the bathroom and left tied to a stretcher, so as long as one of them didn’t get eaten by a bear this time around, I can only assume it went a little better. Although I’m sure Sean Preston was disappointed in the lack of emergency vehicles and helicopters at Mommy’s house. That’ll all change once he’s old enough to start setting fires and torturing animals in a desperate plea for his mother’s attention. Nothing brings out the boys in blue and the firetrucks like arson and the first signs of sociopathic behavior. It sure worked like a charm for Charles Manson!

EDITOR’S NOTE: The picture above is not from the three-hour supervised visit on Saturday. You’ll note the lack of a psychiatrist armed with restraints and a syringe full of sedatives in the background.

Despite initial reports that Jayden James and Sean Preston were okay, Britney’s little boys didn’t go entirely unscathed during her little meltdown last week. Not just the emotional scars, either. Us Weekly says

When police arrived at Britney Spears’ Beverly Hills home on Jan. 3 to investigate her custody dispute with Kevin Federline, they discovered that her youngest son Jayden James had at least one bite and several bruises on his body. After [noting] the bite mark and bruises on the child, police were told… that older brother Sean Preston [was the one who] bit him.

Likely story. Sounds a lot better than Britney mistaking him for a giant marshmallow-covered pork chop, which is probably what actually happened. I imagine a lot of hand rubbing and salivating and a Fat Bastard-style “Get in mah bell-ay!” as she chased him around to some Benny Hill sketch music with a crazed look in her eye and a fork and knife in either hand.

Wait for the 1:02 mark in the video above to watch Britney chuck her lit cigarette at the gas pump three feet away from her car.