Justin Timberlake’s longtime best friend Trace Ayala has opened up about the Sexy Back singer donning a Speedo in the new cinematic stinkbomb “The Love Guru.” Trace told InTouch magazine:

“I see the kid naked all the time, so if he is wearing a Speedo, I’m like ‘Yeah! He actually has clothes on!’”

Trace also [said] that [Justin's girlfriend] Jessica helps the pair with their denim designs.

You read that right. Nude denim design. Personally, I liked this show better when it was called “Will & Grace” and aired on Thursday night primetime. “Justin & Trace” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. It also wouldn’t hurt if Jessica Biel changed her name to Jessica Beard. For continuity’s sake, you know.

Justin Timberlake has taken the next relationship step in making an honest man woman out of Jessica Biel — he’s asked her to move in with him. According to In Touch Weekly

“Jessica is preparing to live in Justin’s Hollywood Hills home,” [says] an insider. It’s a big deal for Justin, 27, who has never taken this relationship step before, but the insider insists that “they’re definitely headed for marriage. Moving in is just the beginning.”

If you’re wondering the difference between a girlfriend and a wife is, it’s very simple. When she’s your girlfriend, she looks like Jessica Biel above. When she’s your wife, she starts to look like Jessica Biel below. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, boys!

Watching a Marlins game last month:

You can tell how hip and down with the young people Madonna is by the way she drank champagne directly from the bottle during a promotional performance in New York City last night. The Daily Mail says

She performed six songs for around 2,000 people at the Roseland Ballroom, at one point stopping to guzzle champagne from the bottle. Madonna spent almost every second of her No. 1 track Four Minutes grinding against Justin Timberlake, despite being well and truly old enough to be his mother.

Then she screamed something like “I take the drugs and do lots of sex and watch the internet all day and night!” Get it? You know, like an old person trying to sound cool? I guess it sorta came out more like a lame Borat impersonation. Almost as lame as I just made this post. Almost.

Justin Timberlake mentioned having to drop trou for Her Madge-esty when he inducted Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last night. The Sun quotes him as saying

“We had a recording session in London and I wasn’t feeling well. She reached into her handbag, pulled a ziplock bag of B12 syringes and says: ‘Drop ‘em.’ I don’t know what you say to that, so I dropped my pants. She gave me the shot in my ass. That is what Madonna will always be to us. The shot in the ass when we really need it.”

Curiously, Madonna is the first Rock and Roll Hall of Famer not to perform at their own induction in history. But Madonna swears it’s less of a display of pompous ingratitude and more of an issue of her increasingly frequent panic attacks. In an interview with Dazed & Confused Magazine, she says

“I have panic attacks where I feel like everyone is breathing my air and I cannot live up to everybody’s expectations and I might just die on stage. I normally try to turn my back to the audience, take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s all temporary. It’s hard to describe.”

Then she said, “I get this numbness and tingling down my arm and a sort of heavy sensation on my chest — you know, like someone’s sitting on it — accompanied by shortness of breath and light-headedness… now wait just a bloomin’ minute — who changed the channel? Everybody knows I watch ‘Wheel’ after ‘Perry Mason!’ Goddammit! And there’s corn in this! You know I can’t digest corn!” before the nurse came in to empty her bedpan and give her her calcium supplement and blood thinner again.

Madonna veining it up at the Waldorf-Astoria:

In what’s sure to be the short straw draw for the good folks over at Pajiba, singer-turned-actor Justin Timberlake sports a porn-cheese mustache and a bulging crotch for his role in the upcoming cinematic masterpiece “The Love Guru.” But wait — there’s more! According The Daily Mail

In the comedy, which also stars Mike Meyers and Jessica Alba, Justin plays athlete Jacque Grande who steals the wife of a star hockey player. Meyers plays a love guru called Pitka - an American raised outside of his country by gurus - who returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business.

The Love Guru will open in UK cinemas in July.

If they’d just thrown Jessica Simpson and Jack Black into the mix, “The Love Guru” could have probably ascended to the throne currently held by “Little Nicky” and “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” It’s got all the key elements: hairy crotches, close-ups of the hairy crotches, Jessica Alba, and bulging hairy crotches. Did I mention the hairy crotches? Ha, ha! It’s funny because his swimming suit is really small, there’s a big bulge where the wiener is supposed to be, and he has a seventies’ mustache. I call that the “trifecta of comedy.” Years from now, this movie will be shown in lecture halls to aspiring film students murmuring aloud with wonderment. “Note the low-angle shot on the crotch!” the professor will say. “Dig deeper! Pubes, yes, good, good! We’ve barely scratched the surface!” That’s also probably about the time the super computers become self-aware and start harvesting our bodies for power. The future’s a pretty bleak place.