Britney Spears drove her Mercedes-Benz into the back of an SUV in Beverly Hills yesterday, for a brand new record of two rear-end collisions in less than a month. The NY Daily News reports

Spears was idling at a red light on Sunset Blvd. when she saw cars moving in a left-turn lane and thought she had a green light, too. Spears hit the gas, slamming her white Mercedes into a red Ford Explorer. The star reportedly was texting on her phone while driving.

“Texting while driving” sounds a lot better than “her belly came unlodged from its resting place at the base of the steering wheel and crashed down on her driving leg, causing a chain reaction that ultimately floored the gas and propelled her into the back of the Explorer.” Which, judging from those pictures yesterday, is probably what actually happened.

Hiding the culpable belly beneath a giant purse yesterday:

After a fight with manager Sam “Napoleon” Lutfi left her visibly shaken Monday night, Britney spent Tuesday on a free-for-all shopping spree. First stop on the spending express? A CVS down in the valley. According to Page Six

Britney Spears had something else to cry about last night — her credit card was declined. At a drugstore in the San Fernando Valley, the singer’s Black American Express Card was shot down. Of course, the money trouble didn’t stop Brit from hitting up the Beverly Hills Hotel with Sam and mom Lynne before moving on to a Mercedes dealership.

Well, that’s because you can’t decline Benjamin Franklin, baby! Britney paid for her new SLK 350 Mercedes in cash. But despite driving off in the black-on-black $55,000 two-seater, the trip to the dealership wasn’t exactly all fun and unchecked spending. People Magazine says

According to an insider, “Lynne and Britney were arguing in the car the whole time. They’re both upset, not having a good time at all. After [Britney] came out [of the dealership], she pulled over to the side of the road to argue with her mom more.”

Somehow the screaming matches with her best friend and the heated arguments with her estranged mother haven’t cured Britney of her bizarre behavior, because later the same afternoon, she was seen shopping again with Lutfi and even more out of it than ever. The insider continues

“She was talking in a slight accent. She really wanted some Bubblelicious gum and she kept asking Sam for it and got frustrated when he didn’t have any. Her mood lifted when she found some in her bag.”

There is almost something tragically Flowers for Algernon-esque about Britney’s last few months. Not the similar loss of innocence or the “partaking of the Tree of Knowledge” metaphor per se, but, you know — the whole “retarded mouse” bit. If Algernon had dinner plate sized nipples and crappy British accent, I’d almost swear it was a story about Britney. Except it was written in 1961 and the mouse was supposed to get really smart at some point. Too bad “Dumb and Dumber” wasn’t ever a novel, or I’d have a great literary reference to end this post.

You can make out a good bit of nipple here, but I deem them LSFW because she’s wearing a shirt: