Britney Spears’ January trip to Rosarito with then-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib seems to have yielded a little more than Montezuma’s revenge, although I’m sure it smells about the same: there’s a Spears-Ghalib sex tape out there, and Adnan wants to sell it to you. Splash News Online says

Word is that the video starts with Britney undressing. The sex wasn’t particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout. At one point in the tape Adnan asks the singer to remove the pink bob but she refused. “Adnan tells her to take it off at one point and she says coyly, ‘Take what off? There’s nothing left to take off.’”

I think I’d rather see streaming footage of partial birth abortions and hemorrhoid surgery being performed simultaneously than watch Britney Spears engaged in coitus. Or, you know, I could just sit through “Pirates of the Caribbean 3″ again. Six of one, really.

Shania Twain, because 1) she’s not Britney Spears, and 2) she’s single again:

Can you guess what’s going on in this picture of Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans? Is it:

A) The classic “Tie a Knot in a Guy’s Drawstring with Your Tongue” party trick

B) If she puts her ear to his belly button and listens carefully, she can hear the sea

C) Geriatric boil ointment has to applied at close range OR:

D) Rhys is dutch-ovening a fart in his trunks and making Sienna smell it until she screams “Uncle!”

Did you guess yet? I’m torn between E) No way I let this perfectly good cocaine stuck in your gut flab go to waste! and F) How is my stupid piehole empty when there’s been a penis right here in front of me the whole time?

More of Rhys and Sienna’s asscrack frolicking in the Gulf of Mexico:

Those pant-less Britney pictures I mentioned before have finally found a home, and it looks like they found it cheap. X17 Online says

An Australian magazine has license for the “semi-nude” pictures of Britney for $57,000… a far cry from the $5 million they were asking of the UK tabs for Adnan’s story and photos. there are shots of Britney wearing just a t-shirt — we guess it’s the night she was with him on the balcony, sharing the lollipop and she was wearing a t-shirt with no pants and a jacket. Adnan’s kneeling in front of Brit as she stands there in her skivvies! Now Adnan’s agency is hoping to launch a website based on their big exclusive — they’ve got one photo up and a single story “announcing” Adnan’s relationship with Britney.

Do the math — that’s 1/100th the asking price. Yeah. That’s like getting a dime instead of ten dollars. Or genital warts instead of an engagement ring. Or Pauly Shore instead of Robert DeNiro. You’d think word of the sale might deter her from hanging around Adnan, but like flies to a turd, she’s off vacationing with him in Mexico. According to The Insider

Despite rumors that the pop singer flew to New York, “The Insider” has learned that she drove down to Rosarito Beach, Mexico, Wednesday with Adnan. The two were seen there shopping late yesterday and cruising around in Britney’s black Cadillac Escalade.

I have seven words for you: “Tiajuana Donkey Show,” “Britney Spears,” and “professional photographer.” Also, let me remind you that Mexico only has 1/100th the bestiality laws of the U.S., and Britney Spears only has 1/100th the smarts of a Mexican donkey. Given that information, if two trains leave Chicago and New York at the same moment, where the train from Chicago is moving at constant speed of 40 miles per hour and the train from New York is moving at constant speed of 60 miles per hour and the distance between Chicago and New York is 1000 miles, how long after their departure will pictures of Britney getting railed by a donkey make their way online? Make sure to show your work.

What Britney Spears might look like with a heroin problem: