Because there just isn’t enough shit on television, Brody Jenner is getting his own “reality” show on MTV. Hear that? That was the sound of a million people dry-heaving at once. According to People

Bromance features guy contestants who “will compete… in hopes of joining [Jenner's] entourage. Each episode will feature one “group date” with Jenner and contestants will also get one-on-one time with him.

The contestants will be whittled down in “Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies.” Unlucky “bros” will be forced to leave the bachelor pad dripping wet, in their swimsuits, luggage in hand.

“Group date?” “Hot tub?!” “Dripping wet?!!” “Bachelor pad?!!” Jesus, why don’t they just call the show “Who Wants All of Their Buddies Back Home to Call Them a Faggot for the Rest of Their Lives?” At least there’s a little more dignity in that. “Bromance” sounds like it should be part of a personal ad for gays seeking casual sex. Single white male 5′10″ 185 seeks non-smoker male 18-45 for companionship, bromance, and all around good time! Must love gyms, cosmos, and barebacking on meth. Call 555-ANAL and ask for Brody.

Get ready to stomach a lot more of “The Hills’” Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Page Six reports

Spencer was overheard pitching [a new] show to MTV programming honcho Tony DiSanto. “Spencer was saying that [his] show ‘would be just about them. No Lauren Conrad. The show [would] go through the whole lead-up to the wedding… finding a wedding planner, hunting for a dress… The show would be a mix of ‘The Hills’ meets ‘Newlyweds.’ ”

Network insiders revealed, “Heidi and Spencer definitely have a deal in the works with MTV. ‘The Hills’ is a home run. It’s their highest-rated show. MTV isn’t obsessed with the idea, but they’d be crazy not to do it.”

Interestingly, the guy on TV in ten gallon hat and buck-skin shirt told me he’d be crazy to slash prices on deals this good, but there’s no stopping Crazy Al when it comes to savings on the new 2008 Ford Super Duty® trucks! At least each Super Duty® offers stowable bed extenders and best-in-class maximum payloads of over 6,000 pounds. All MTV has is Carson Daly’s leftovers and a bunch of fake reality shows full of stupid twats. I’d say it’s pret-ty obvious who’s the crazy one around these parts.

Don’t expect to see Paula Abdul’s crappy video for “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” on MTV any time soon. According to MSNBC

Not only is MTV not planning to air the video, but no one even submitted the video [for] consideration in the network’s play rotation [in the first place]. “It makes sense that it wasn’t even submitted,” a source told me. “The only thing worse for a star like Paula to not have her video on TV is to have it actually rejected by MTV. You can’t be rejected if you never formally campaign for it.”

Ah, the old “you can’t dump me because we were never dating” trick. It works like a charm, too, unless you’re six and a half months pregnant and screaming it at your ex-boyfriend over the P.A. at a high school basketball game. That way just earns you a slew of unflattering superlatives and a permanent ban from school functions.