The man posing with Miley Cyrus in some of her recent MySpace pics has won’t be taking her to junior prom this year, mostly because he graduated from high school four years ago. Nine MSN says

Miley Cyrus has been snapped cozying up to a new guy - seven years her senior! The tween superstar, already no stranger to controversy, appears in the shots [kissing one of her back up] dancers ‘Ryan.’

I’m sure 22-year olds and 15-year olds have tons in common. Like, um, MySpace… and other stuff. Like some guy once said, “The language of love needs no translation.” It’s just written in all caps acronyms and punctuated with emoticons so your hater parents can’t understand any of it. GG PAW — KPC 4EVR!!!

On the set of her latest music video:

There’s no denying it now — those Miley Cyrus MySpace pics that made the rounds on Monday are 100% real. But don’t think her publicist is going to be owning up to it anytime soon when there’s still a chance the public will buy the whole “imposter” theory. You know, like Miley has an evil twin intent on destroying her good name so she can bring down the Bradys and have Tad all to herself once and for all. According to NBC daytime, shit like that happens all the time. The AP reports

Less-than-wholesome photos of a girl bearing a close resemblance to the 15-year-old superstar are making the rounds on the Internet. [Photos] shows the Cyrus look-alike tugging at her white tank top to reveal a green bra [and] bare midriff while draped over a young male. This isn’t the first time risque photos of someone resembling Cyrus have circulated online.

The actress-singer’s publicists Jill Fritzo and Meghan Prophet didn’t return messages from The Associated Press seeking comment.

Fact: the girl in the photo above is wearing the same bra, nail polish, necklace, and bracelets that Miley was photographed wearing on March 19th, so either there’s a wormhole to a parallel dimension hidden somewhere in L.A., or else Disney and Dateline NBC are collaborating to make you a television star.

I’m pretty sure the only companies who crank out more sluts than the Disney Corporation these days are Vivid Entertainment and The Emperor’s Club. All Mickey Mouse is missing now is a gold cane and a fedora with one of those big long feathers.

Dr. Phil officially pledged his eternal soul to Satan this weekend after sending a production assistant to Florida to bail out the ringleader of a group of six girls who beat a classmate for an hour and then posted the video footage on YouTube. Dr. Phil & Company ponied up a whopping thirty grand to the Polk County Sheriff’s office for exclusive rights to Mercades Nichols, who is currently staring down kidnapping, battery and witness tampering charges. By the way, the girl beaten unconscious in the video was hospitalized for a concussion, damage to her left eye, and partial loss of hearing in her left ear. Can you smell the ratings from here? Of course, now that the media’s gotten a hold of it, Dr. Phil doesn’t want any credit for it. MSNBC reports

The “Dr. Phil” show issued a statement saying “certain staff members went beyond our guidelines (re: the bail being paid),” but a source close to the production fears that this incident could be the final straw for the show.

“It’s getting desperate behind the scenes. Dr. Phil is so demanding, and there’s a feeling anyone will do anything for the get,” said a source. “People don’t trust him like they used to. The… incident [is] beyond embarrassing for the entire show. How do you bounce back from this?”

You don’t “bounce back.” You draw the symbol of Baphomet in the dirt, drink the blood of a virgin and recite the Enochian chants during a full moon on Walpurgisnacht. Really, it’s the only shot he’s got.