Lindsay Lohan guzzled vodka and staggered around the dance floor at Times Square’s Hawaiian Tropic Zone Saturday night while best friend Samantha Ronson manned the turntables. People Magazine says

Drinking Grey Goose and Red Bull cocktails, she danced the night away with girlfriends… tossing her hair around and doing full body rolls.

Monkey rolls? Moneky rolls? Sorry, I don’t care who you are — the only time it’s ever appropriate to employ the somersault into your day-to-day dealings is if someone in an eye patch is gripping the helm and yelling, “Haul on the main brace, make ready the guns and run out the sweeps or I’ll nail yer gizzards to the mast, ye poxy curs!” It also helps if you’re on a 17th century brigantine and have a pegleg and parrot. Otherwise, you just look like a total douche.

Drink up, me hearties, yo ho: