After months of uninterested speculation, newlyweds Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz finally confirmed that she is pregnant with their first child. BO-RING. Significantly less boring? The bee made entirely of Legos that Pete gave Ashlee as a wedding gift. According to Splash News, Pete commissioned Nathan Sawaya to create the insect sculpture because

Because it is romantic of course. In Hindu myth, Kama, the god of love, has a bow… made up of bees. In the ancient Greek world, the bee symbolized the soul. And the Roman god of love is often pictured with bees or being stung.

I made this bee for a boy who wanted to give his girl a special wedding gift. They are a fun couple as evidenced by their Alice in Wonderland themed wedding.

I figured the bee had more to do with his crying. See, in Egyptian mythology, bees grew from the tears of the sun god Ra when they landed on the desert sand. “Pete Wentz” and “tears” go together almost as well as “Pete Wentz” and “vagina,” but unfortunately, there weren’t any references to female genitalia in the ancient mythology of the bee.

Looks like Joe Simpson’s shameless begging paid off — despite their recent split, Tony Romo was on hand to escort maid of honor Jessica Simpson down the aisle at little sister Ashlee’s wedding this weekend. People Magazine says

Simpson and her NFL-star beau were spotted together Friday… during Ashlee’s rehearsal dinner, held at Jessica’s Beverly Hills home. “They were very cozy and cute together,” said a source close to the couple. “She was in an amazing mood and so happy her sister was getting married.”

As for Saturday’s wedding and Alice In Wonderland-themed reception, Romo [and Jessica] “were kissing and holding hands throughout the night. He was very sweet to her. They were very much a couple.”

Joe Simpson likes to fancy himself as some kind of clever pirate, commandeering his daughter’s lives and steering them toward his own fiscal success. The reality is he’s like a retarded puppeteer who mostly uses his sock puppets for jerking off and keeping his hand cool while he shoots himself in the foot.

Ashlee Simpson is all set to get married to boyfriend Pete Wentz this weekend. Squeal! Us Weekly says

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will wed Saturday, May 17 at a “top secret” location. “Proper invites have not been sent out but instead guests have been given a save the date notice.” On Saturday, “all guests will be transported in shuttles to the wedding location.”

In lieu of cash, you could probably just send the happy couple boxes of tampons and Lady Bics. You know, something they can both use for years to come!

Ashlee with friends in L.A. on Sunday:

Sometimes, when I’m writing out that $300 check to the U.S. Department of Education, I’ll stop and look up at the diploma hanging over the desk and wonder, “Was it all worth it?” The four years I spent earning my journalism degree; the other two I spent binge drinking and withdraw/failing; the seemingly insurmountable debt — all for one little piece of paper. And then something like this little tidbit from The Sun comes along, and I just have to close my eyes and smile and nod knowingly:

If you thought Jessica was the busty one in the Simpson family - you were wrong. Younger sister Ashlee, out of nowhere, is providing the Dukes Of Hazard star with some healthy competition. It looks like she’s developed a pair of Christina Aguilera-style pregnancy boobs. Either that or the wiring of her bra is truly immense. The mystery deepens…

So was it all worth it? Yes, my friends. Yes, it was.

Ashlee and her monster bazooms with Pete Wentz yesterday:

A fan is suing “rocker” Pete Wentz for allegedly kicking his ass at Fall Out Boy show last year. That would be Pete Wentz. Of Fall Out Boy. Ahem. The one in the eyeliner about to lock lips with another man in the above picture. TMZ says

According to the lawsuit, Andy Kallas claims he was watching the boys perform at Schuba’s Tavern in Chicago when Wentz and his [bodyguards] beat him to a pulp for several minutes. Kallas claims he suffered “serious injuries to his head, mouth and face.”

Kallas is suing both Wentz and the club for an unspecified amount in damages.

How does something like this happen? It doesn’t make any sense. I’d put my money on a blind kittycat on stilts before I’d bet on Pete Wentz to win a fight. Unless the fight was some kind of emotive poetry-off or a competition for World’s Biggest Vagina. Then all the chips would be on ol’ Petey.

At the airport with Ashlee Simpson April 18th:

Despite both Us Weekly and OK! Magazine claiming that Ashlee Simpson is knocked up, her fiance and supposed father of the child begs to differ. Pete Wentz told MTV News

“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood,” he wrote. “This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we’re engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”

“Coincidentally,” Ashlee’s new album drops in a week, on the same day her shirt line for Wet Seal debuts. The very same album that threatened to be overshadowed by Mariah Carey’s until daddy leaked “E=MC2″ onto the internet. Coincidentally. Now every major tabloid is running with Ashlee’s supposed pregnancy — the baby’s due in October, Jess is happy, no Jess is jealous, the wedding’s taking place in May before she starts showing — and nearly every article (this post included, I know) mentions her album’s release date. Coincidentally! Daddy’s certainly done his homework. It’s a fact that only way to get more free press than circulating a pregnancy rumor is a good old-fashioned sex tape, but $29.95 is a steep price to pay to watch Pete Wentz scribbling poetry all over Ashlee’s body with an eyeliner pencil and then cutting himself after avoiding penetration. I think Joe Simpson definitely ran the right way with this one.

Two promos from her Wet Seal line, and a couple of Jessica over the weekend:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz announced that they are getting married in a statement posted on their blog yesterday. Ashlee wrote:

“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us.”

In a special Yeeeah! exclusive, I got a hold the vows Pete and Ashlee have written for each other for the big day. Pete’s were written in his own tears, so they impossible to make out, but Ashlee’s are posted below:

I, Ashlee, take you, Pete, to be my lawfully wedded husband, my never-ending source of hair product, my sexually ambiguous soul mate and partner from this day forward.

In the presence of God, my dad and your psychiatrist, I offer you my solemn vow to be yours in Ativan overdoses and in health, in good times and in bad, and in good hair days as well as the days your flat iron short circuits.

I promise to share my eyeliner, my skinny jeans and my nail polish with you, to cry with you and cut with you, and to never make you actually touch my vagina for as long as we both shall live.

The happy couple leaving Beso restaurant in Hollywood April 5th:

Here’s Pete Wentz sitting in the sidelines with “girlfriend” Ashlee Simpson at the DirecTV Beach Bowl in Scottsdale yesterday. I figured he was just there because the low humidity in Arizona did wonders for his flat ironed hair, but it turns out he was actually there to sing or something. It was awfully brave of him not to bring a parasol or a strand of pearls with him to the game. I guess he could just clutch Ashlee while fanning himself with a lace kerchief or maybe touch penises with the guy sitting next to him when he felt the vapors coming on. Whatever it is that the emos do when they’re not overdosing on Ativan and skulking around in clothing three sizes too small. Namely crying during gym class and adjusting their scarves to look faggier.

¹_{And because he got to wear eye black, which is like eye liner times ten.}

Ashlee at her Super Bowl party at Myst on Thursday: