Kanye West pisses off Bonnaroo by showing up two hours late. (Coed Magazine)

What Marilyn Monroe would look like today, if she weren’t a decomposed corpse, of course. (popbytes)

Tim Russert tribute backlash gets its own backlash and the circle is complete. (Jossip)

Keanu Reeves has the birdy chest of an eleven year old boy. (Websters)

You’ve heard of dick in a box — now try dick in a purse! (Jezebel)

Jessica Simpson’s meat shirt pisses off PETA and Carrie Underwood. (The Blemish)

Have a peek at Rihanna’s nipple ring. (The Grumpiest)

Denise Richards can’t stop lying. (prettyboring)

The perfect gift for a trichophilic Beatles fan! (Wizbang! Pop)

Bitchfight: Jennifer Aniston vs Jennifer Connelly! (Celebitchy)

Amy Winehouse makes $2 mil for flashing her beaver for two hours in Russia. (CelebritySmack)

Kate Beckinsdale is certifiable straight-jacket insane. (CelebSlam)

Hurt so good: Mary-Louise Parker breaks her toe during a sex scene. (Seriously? OMG)

I bow in the presence of David Letterman, Burninator Extraordinaire. (College Candy)

Looks like they got the graduating class at ITT Tech to computer animate The Hulk. (Pajiba)

Corey Haim says kissing Victoria Beckham is like being chewed on by a wombat. (Websters)

Kevin Federline accepts his father of the year award in Vegas. (Derek Hail)

Meet the Incredible Hulk’s asthmatic vegetarian cousin. (Websters)

All the glorious Javier Bardem nakedness you can handle on a Friday! (CityRag)

Stifler totally nailed Jessica Simpson. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cold Play’s Chris Martin admits he’s a pill-head. I figured him more for a chronic masturbator. (Holy Moly!)

Adriana Lima sacrifices her virginity to an ugly Serbian giant. (CelebNewsWire)

Jill Sobule kissed a girl… but Katy Perry does it better! (Rad Report)

Writers to Katherine Heigl: FUCK YOU. (MollyGood)

Aniston vs Jolie: summer silver screen-off! (Gabsmash)

Charlize Theron smokin’ hot in next month’s GQ. (popoholic)

Halle Berry’s hella busty. (Egotastic)

Mariah Carey didn’t invite you to her wedding, but she doesn’t see any reason for you not to buy her a gift. (Celebitchy)

Lily Allen gets her revenge. (Jossip)

George Clooney hates fake tits! (The Blemish)

Mischa Barton finds a new way to steal from the Native Americans. (Jezebel)

Bret Michaels + Barbara Walters = talk show hilarity. (Celebrity Smack)

Zooey Deschanel flashes the pink. (CelebSlam)

Pete Wentz opens up his vagina about video inspirations. (COED magazine)

Attention “Highlander” and Tim Burton’s “Batman” : I stopped loving you today. (Pajiba)

Guess which one is the biggest wiener in this picture? (Websters)

Jamie Lynn’s baby joy turns to mayonnaise tears. (popbytes)

Lisa Marie Presley may be the world’s largest pregnant woman. (Wizbang Pop)

Rose McGowan au naturel. (UseMyComputer)

Lauren Conrad blows up at Audrina Partridge over a backyard photoshoot. (pretty boring)

Stare into the bloodshot eyes of Plaster Jesus Pete Doherty. (Best Week Ever)

Donald Trump’s combover escapes! (Seriously? OMG)

Tori Spelling gives birth! Presumably to a baby whale. (CelebNewsWire)

Candy made in the likeness of Kendra Wilkinson’s asshole! (Derek Hail)

Kirstie Alley’s dialing finger is too busy shoveling forkfuls of bologna casserole to call Jenny Craig. (Websters)

Britney’s dad offers K-Fed $14 million to take her back. (Celebitchy)

Lindsay Lohan debuts hideous pink gladiator high heels. (The Grumpiest)

And speaking of Linz, see if you can guess today’s reason for showing off her tits! Hint: it involves money. (popoholic)

Mary-Kate and Ashley won’t be regifting these birthday presents. (MollyGood)

Marisa Miller’s dress can barely contain her bosomy goodness. (The Rad Report)

R. Kelly is about to take on the sweet walnut justice of a pedophile-busting gavel. Hopefully on the face. (College Candy)

Finally, a decent kid’s movie that doesn’t run two and a half goddamn hours! Kudos all around for Kung Fu Panda. (Pajiba)

Eliot Spitzer’s whore and her mother bikini-and-booze it up together. (CelebSlam)

The single worst nipple deformity I’ve ever seen in my life. Including Spring Break ‘01. (The Blemish)

I don’t know who Brittany Snow is, but you better believe she’ll punch you in the balls until you die. Here’s the video. (Fatback)

Pam Anderson as Amanda Lepore’s long-lost twin cousin! (CityRag)

Puff Daddy is Puff-tarded. (Websters)

Amy Winehouse’s husband pleads “I want ten years of ass banditery” in court today. (HollywoodRag)

Liv Tyler in the world’s most unflattering dress. Ever. (CelebWarship)

Patrick Swayze starts filming a new TV series. Patrick Swayze — 1; Pancreatic cancer — 0. (Evil Beet)

Know how I know you’re gay? You don’t like “The Zohan.” (Pajiba)

Pay thousands of dollars to dine with Kim Kardashian! The peeing costs extra. (Jossip)

Hollywood marriages explode in dirty divorce porn! Starring: Shania Twain. (popbytes)

Jamie Lynn will tell the courts you’re a stalker if you try to take her picture. (Celebrity Smack)

Kimora Lee Simmons does cupcake porn. (Websters)

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher try to out-fug each other. (Gabsmash)

Kate Beckinsdale says she too good in the sack to lean how to cook. (Holy Moly)

Boy, Sandra Bullock’s really gone to the dogs, hasn’t she? (Jezebel)

Nick Hogan gets his wish and triples his chance of butt sex. (Bricks and Stones)

Tara Reid’s gonna be really disappointed when she finds out it’s not “Dancing with the Bars.” (Celebitchy)

Charlie Sheen looks like a drunk car salesman in his new wedding photos. (Seriously? OMG)

Heidi and Spencer put their mouse ears on the wrong end. (Websters)

Kate Beckinsdale “means” business. Sexy business. (popoholic)

Kate Walsh has a windy wardrobe malfunction. Cheeks included. (The Blemish)

Alessandra Ambrosio shower pictures — and boy are you gonna be disappointed, you pervert. (The Grumpiest)

Ashley Tisdale hits the pavement. But not face-first like you’d hoped. (Use My Computer)

Vegas crowns Kevin Federline Father of the Year! (College Candy)

Angelina Jolie was in on the whole birth sham from the beginning. (CelebSlam)

Drew Barrymore suffers an embarrassing tongue injury. (Websters)

Angelina Jolie’s uterus just schooled Jennifer Lopez’.(Jossip)

FHM’s Megan Fox vs. Maxim’s Marisa Miller: who wins? (Egotastic)

I’m sorry — I couldn’t quite hear you over Alicia Keys’ thunder thighs. (Drunken Stepfather)

Dwight from The Office models the latest in Japanese underwear! (Ayyyy!)

Finally — a real-life blood-spraying billboard! (Best Week Ever)

Queen Latifah in a bathing suit to make you feel better about not being Megan Fox or Marisa Miller. (Derek Hail)

Exclusive behind-the-scenes look up Lindsay Lohan’s dress at the MTV Movie Awards! (CelebNewsWire)

Posh Spice is going to need a cane by the time she’s forty. (popbytes)

I bet Lindsay makes Sam go “Robble robble!” and run in a circle when she wears that outfit. (Fatback)

Tatum O’Neal was driven to buy crack because her dog died. Yeah, I liked the first excuse better. (Celebrity Smack)

Gina Gershon got a taste of Big Willy’s willy! (Wizbang Pop)

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer to get matching douchebags tattoos! How gay. (Holy Moly!)

Chucky… or Clay Aiken in doll form? (CityRag)

Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston swap partners. (Celebitchy)

Let’s talk masturbation with Kathie Lee and Hoda! Then we can take turns putting out cigarettes on our genitals and reading the Bible. (Jezebel)

Six words: vampire-zombie hybrids with robot cocks. Knock yourselves out. (Pajiba)

Jessica Alba, very pregnant, and very in a bikini! (CelebSlam)

Marisa Miller cleavage boobies bazongas bosoms cans melons. (popoholic)

Sarah Jessica Parker was the third one to wear that Nina Ricci dress — and she wore it to the SATC premiere. The horror! (MollyGood)

Kurt Cobain’s ashes stolen! Anyone checked out Keith Richard’s alibi? (The Blemish)

Audrina Partridge upskirt pics. Panites included. (The Grumpiest)

You oughta know… Alanis Morrissette is pregnant. (Evil Beet)

Hulk Hogan’s wife dry-humps a 19-year old on the dance floor. (Websters)

Elisha Cuthbert finally looks hot again, thanks to blonde extensions and the magic of photoshop. (UseMyComputer)