Megan Fox showed up bare-fingered at the MTV Movie Awards earlier this month without fiancè Brian Austin Green on her arm. I smell trouble in paradise! According to Star Magazine

Megan hasn’t been photographed wearing the ring in months. An insider on the set of her movie says, “I’ve never seen her wearing an engagement ring. I actually thought she and [co-star] Adam Brody were dating. They were very flirty with each other and were always hanging out together when they weren’t working.”

This really doesn’t come as a surprise. I wouldn’t use Brian Austin Green’s penis to stamp out a brush fire, so there’s no reason it should be coming within smelling distance of Megan Fox’s nether regions. In fact, the only real use I can think of for Brian Austin Green’s dork is is maybe distracting scorpions away from unsuspecting babies or a carnival booth type-thing where you get to flick his penis for a dollar and all the proceeds go to a charity for children with cancer. I think the public could really get behind that. Unlike Megan Fox, who he’s probably never going to get behind again. Zing!

Outtakes from Japanese Rolling Stone:

Scarlett Johansson showed off her new rock at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Gala last night, confirming her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds. So when’s the big date, you ask? Well, there isn’t one. According to OK! Magazine

“Scarlett doesn’t want to get married anytime soon,” says an insider. “So expect it to be a long engagement.”

The Lost in Translation star’s reluctance to walk down the aisle had been a source of tension between the couple, so they came up with a compromise — “Get engaged now, and worry about the wedding down the road.”

So she doesn’t want to actually get married — she just has an album that conveniently drops in two weeks. What an Ashlee Simpson-style coincidence! Beside, all that boning Woody Allen to convince people she’s a credible actress probably wouldn’t sit too well with a husband. Husbands have serious hang-ups about what you do with your vagina. It’ll be all “I know the doctor said no sex after the c-section, but what about the butt?” this and “See, it’s a coupon for a free Brazilian bikini wax!” that. Trust me, that stuff starts to get old real quick.

In Dolce and Gabbana:

There’s a new penis in Paris Hilton’s life, and this one comes attached to her ex-BFF-turned-BFF-again boyfriend’s brother Benji Madden! But how will we know if this love’s for real, you ask? Easy. The ring she’s wearing says it all.

Or maybe it says nothing. Oooh! Page Six says

The celebutante showed up with the new bling for the launch of celebrity stylist Kim Vo’s Salon at The Mirage in Las Vegas. The event’s organizer, Ben Russo… asked the heiress what the BM ring meant, [and] Paris said: “It means what it means.”

Your first instinct is to assume she’s being cryptic about the new penis, but the fact is there’s a whole lot out there that can lay claim to the initials B.M, so I don’t want to go around putting words in the heiress’ mouth. Especially when her mouth is probably already full of wiener to begin with. So I’m just going to make a couple of educated guesses as to the meaning of her mystery ring and let you all decide.

10. Bowel movement. Obviously.

9. Butt munch. Look, I never said this list was sophisticated, asswipe.

8. Boston Massacre. It smells like American Revolution!

7. Ball masticator. Fancy talk for nut-sack gobbler. See #9.

6. Blind Mice, 3. See how they run!

5. Barry Manilow. Because he writes the songs.

4. Branson, Missouri. Come visit the Baldknobber’s Motor Inn!

3. Beaver maggots. We’re talking Paris Hilton here. Self-explanatory.

2. Bacterial Meningitis. Because she’s dirty, and not in a good way.

and the number one thing Paris’ BM ring might possibly stand for:

1. Braying moron. Because she is one.