Boy, is Pee Wee Herman gonna be pissed when he finds out Sophie Monk stole his bike and painted it pink. It’s not for sale, Francis!

Sophie Monk is a shitty actress with an even shittier resume of box office failures, but I doubt you’ll care because her bikini is virtually see-through when it’s wet. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about this industry, it’s that you can be a boil on the ass of all things thespian and still get a job if you’re blond and have big tits. That goes double if you have a “will do full-frontal” clause in your contract and don’t mind sucking a little director dick from time to time. On the other hand, those qualifications only hinder your chances for a job if you’re looking for a part-time position at a daycare or old folks home. Just trust me on that one.

Australian actress Sophie Monk helped herself to a big ol’ slice of Paris Hilton leftover pie by swapping her ex-boyfriend for Paris’. Sound confusing and riddled with genital blisters? Grab a spoon and dig in! Star Pulse says

[Sophie] split from rocker fiance Benji Madden at the beginning of 2008 and now she has been spotted out and about with his new girlfriend Paris Hilton’s ex, Alex Vaggo. Vaggo, a former pizza delivery boy, dated Hilton last year.

So, in short, each is banging the other’s ex. Marvelous. Well, you can’t undo the skank of Paris Hilton once you’ve been branded with it. Like a Aryan Nation tattoo or the term “registered sex offender,” it will serve to haunt you the rest of your days. Not to mention make volunteering as Den Mother or Black History Ambassador next to impossible.

Sophie necking with Kristin Cavallari outside the gym last week:

Paris on Germany’s small screen gem “Wetten, dass?” this weekend:

Sophie Monk is so skinny that everytime she takes a bath, the hole sucks her in and her boyfriend has to call the plumber to help her get out of this mess.

More pics after the jump.

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